Friday, October 31, 2014

DAY 61 - HALLOWEEN

As a Princess, you have to kiss a lot of
Frogs to find your Handsome Prince.
We all know the stories of Halloween – ghosts, goblins, all Hallow’s Eve. But for me Halloween was about having a fun costume and running around the neighborhood with my friends. And growing up in Oakland, California – even 40 years ago – that meant we had to be careful, and there were certain places we just weren’t allowed to go.
   At the end of the evening, usually when our bags were so full we could barely carry them, we would all go back to my house. We’d dump our “stash” on the floor, and Mom & Dad would check it all out – always asking questions about some of the treats. The popcorn ball was always from Rustings. The pack of Wrigleys gum from Ethel. The hard candies that fizzed on the inside from Castinette’s. And Jack’s house always handed out pomegranates – a horrible mess to eat, and so much fun (Mom always hated those things).
One of my earliest Halloweens
with Janae Wright Harker
   Then we would trade. I’ve always hated Butterfingers, and Joey liked them – so he would always get a deal on them. And I’m a big fan of black licorice and Black Jack Gum, so I could always get a great trade on those. Miriam wasn’t much of a trader, but maybe a few things – she mostly got her candy all perfectly organized. And after the trading was done and everyone was sent home, all my “stash” ended up in a bowl on top of the fridge. (A great hiding place when I was little, far less effective now that I’m nearly 6-feet tall.)
   Since Mom always made my lunch, she would put a few of my favorites into my lunchbox each day. And then after school, I would drag a chair over to the fridge and sneak down my bowl and eat the ones I didn’t think Mom would notice were missing – a definite advantage of being a latch-key kid.
   When Dad got home from work, he’d always sneak me a piece or two before Mom got home – under the conditions that we didn’t tell Mom, and that I eat all my dinner. I now realize that he sneaked it for me so he could snag a piece or two for himself too – but I never minded sharing with Dad.
   Because it wasn’t about the candy – it was about the sharing. I loved going to those certain houses and ringing the bell – and knowing what I was going to get. And the oooooo’s and ahhhhhhh’s from the older folks as they commented on our costumes year after year. I loved running around and spending the evening with my friends – and the sharing and trading with them afterward. And I loved sneaking candy from the bowl with Dad – like it was our big secret (although I’m quite sure now that we never pulled anything over on Mom. She was way too smart for that.)
Aren't people who dress up their dogs
for Halloween just ridiculous?
   I still like dressing up for Halloween – and do it almost every year. And the puppies get to dress up too, although they seem far less excited about their costumes. And if I could, I would go Trick-or-Treating. I would walk those same streets, knock on those same doors, gather those same treats.
   It was a wonderful time in my life. And they are memories I still cherish. As the Trick-or-Treaters came around tonight, it was fun to see them in their costumes – but it was even better to see the light in their eyes. I remember feeling those feelings. So if I show up some Halloween Night on your doorstep, holding a bag – just know it’s not the candy I’m after. Just reliving a memory.





Thursday, October 30, 2014

DAY 60 - STARTING TO DATE AGAIN

A little while ago I had an Accidental Date. And it helped me realize that I am single and it’s OK to date again. For my birthday in June, a friend gave me a membership to an online dating website – to “get back on that horse again”. Despite my hesitancy, I decided the online thing is innocuous enough.
   I really didn’t expect much, but I was surprised to get messages from a few guys – and over the past few months, a few more and a few more. Some of them just simple messages, but some a bit more. A few of them turned into texting regularly, and frequent phone calls. And quite a few of them have turned into dates – including two (with two different guys) the same weekend. Not that I want to be a “player” – but that I am giving myself permission to have fun, meet new people, and open myself to the Opportunity for Love again sometime in the future.
   Dating is weird. Most guys make too big a deal of simply asking a girl out on a date. It’s not a big deal:  if you’re interested, ask her out. It's just a date! It doesn’t have to be big or formal. I’ve had everything from formal dinners to dinner-and-a-movie to a picnic-in-the-park. Some of the guys have been nice but there wasn’t a connection, and a couple of the guys turned out to be pretty interesting – certainly interesting enough for a second date, and more.
    A bad relationship earlier this year left me feeling unwanted and unlovable. And I need to understand that it was something missing within him and not a failing on my part. I was nothing but loving and supportive – and that he became hostile and cruel at the end was hurtful, unnecessary, and left me feeling hollow. It was cruel and devastating – and I am still recovering from the destruction he caused in my life. Fortunately I am learning that there are some very nice guys still out there, and there are guys that can see that I am date-worthy.
   Because, the truth is: I am terrific! I’m not saying that in a conceited way, but that I am a good person, with a good heart, and I am exceedingly blessed in my life. I am terrific – and fortunately for me there are other men in the world who can see that. And there are some pretty terrific guys out there that I have a lot in common with and I genuinely enjoy spending time with – and it’s nice to know that too.




Wednesday, October 29, 2014

DAY 59 - MY BUCKET LIST

One of the things I’ve been wanting to do for the past few years is go back to Oakland to visit. But it seemed like there was always some reason I couldn’t – no time, no money, etc. It was one of those Bucket List items that I’d written down, but wasn’t sure how to make it happen. Then the universe created a way for it to happen – and last week in Oakland was just what I needed.
   Two months ago, as I sat down and started working on this 83-day Journey, I wrote down a few ideas – just thoughts really. Calling it a “plan” might be too lofty for the few notions I jotted down … but on the plan I wrote down a few goals that I want to work on:  Family, Friends, Romance, Career, etc. There are a million things I want to do with my life, and the best way to do them is to start with a plan.
   I think “Bucket List” is really the best way to describe it. Things I want to do. Things I want to accomplish. Some things are fun “Quick Hits” (like this trip to Oakland) – and others will take time. But that’s OK, I have my whole life still ahead of me – and a year from now I will be a year older anyway, no matter what I do (or don’t do).
   And it’s not like I’m starting at Zero. I’ve had a terrific life and done some pretty fabulous things so far. I’ve already got checkmarks next to some pretty great Bucket List items. I fancy myself a fairly accomplished pianist. I’ve driven a Formula One racecar on a Nascar track. I even met a few of my idols including legendary baseball coach Billy Martin, and my professional idol Zig Ziglar. And I’ve been to some pretty fabulous places, including Mexico, Haiti, Jamaica, Bahamas, Japan, and most of the United States.
   This summer specifically, with my crazy travel schedule for work, I really made an effort to knock a bunch more items off my Bucket List. I drove the Florida Keys in a convertible and went to Key West. I held an alligator (a couple of times). I went to the Nauvoo Pageants (both of them). I went to the Football Hall of Fame, the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, Biosphere 2, the Andy Warhol Museum. And I did it all because I knew that I wouldn’t be back to some of those places ever again, and I didn’t want to let an opportunity slip by. I didn’t want to regret missing any of it.
Yes, that really is me up there
in Cannon's Balloon - July 2012
   And today I updated my Bucket List. I reviewed the list and remembered some of the fabulous things I’ve already been able to do in this life – and I added a few things too. Some fun, some meaningful, some just take a few phone calls and a VISA card, some may take years to accomplish. But I am working on them NOW. I’m not waiting until … because that “something” never comes. Today is here right now – and there truly is no time like the present.
   Because I don’t want to live a life of Regrets. At the end of my days, I want to reflect on a (hopefully) very long life and an even longer list of accomplishments. I want to say “I remember when I did …” and not say “What if ….” Not that my life has been perfect – far from it – but I “own” everything I’ve done and every decision I’ve made. And I wouldn’t trade any moment of it – because everything that I have done has made me who I am. And I like who I am. And I like where I am in my life. And changing even one second of my past would unravel it all.




Tuesday, October 28, 2014

DAY 58 - MY PUPPY WELCOMING COMMITTEE

Sierra and Pippa
Living alone has its perks – and its challenges. And for someone as social and people-oriented as I am, living solo is something I struggle with. As I fly around the country, I have no one to tell my flight plans to. If (heaven forbid) a plane I was on crashed, it would likely be a day or two before anyone realized that I had been on that particular flight. Sure, it’s nice to not have to check in with anyone when I want to change my plans at a moment’s notice – but I also have no one to say Goodbye to when I leave, and no one to Welcome me when I return.
Sierra and Pippa, not liking the suitcase
   No one, that is, except for my Puppy Welcoming Committee. It’s why I’m a dog-person and not a cat-person. When you get home, even after a long stretch – you can walk through the door and barely get a glance from a cat. But with dogs, oh they notice you’ve been gone. Pippa is usually the first to hear my approach and runs to the window. Then Sierra figures out what is going on, comes to the window to check – and then runs to grab a toy to greet me with.
   As I walk through the door, there is a flurry of fur wrapping in and out and around my feet. Tails wag so hard that the entire body swings back-and-forth in response. And that I need to get through the door and empty my hands for an appropriate greeting can truly not happen fast enough.
Pippa with her heart-shaped birthmark
   With rather extensive travel this past year, it has heightened the response of the Puppy Welcoming Committee. They know what a suitcase is, and they begin to get “Puppy Depression” as soon as a suitcase appears. (Sometimes even my Temple Case bums them out.) They will hop up on the bed and lay down, heads down, forlorn look on their little puppy faces. As I wheel my suitcases toward the Garage, tails wag slowly – almost begging me to not leave.
   Last night, as I returned from another week-long adventure, the familiar noses-at-the-window appeared – jumping up onto the glass to stretch to get a better look, to somehow get closer. Then, as I open the car door, they know to run to the Garage Door – certain that’s where I’ll be heading in a moment or two.
   Puppy enthusiasm is contagious, and within a few minutes I’m in the Living Room – taking a few minutes for Puppy Snuggles and lots of tail-wagging and tummy rubs. Because although I technically live alone, each and every time I return home – whether after a 3-week stretch or just a 5-minute errand, I am always greeted with warmth and happiness.


Sierra


Monday, October 27, 2014

DAY 57 - DÉJÀ VU

Today I had a morning filled with job interviews with AAA. It was a lovely coincidence that they flew me into Oakland to interview at their corporate office (and offered to extend my airline ticket since I mentioned I am from there). And when I was chatting with one of the interviewers and we were discussing places around Oakland, it turns out that she lives just a few doors from the home I lived in as an infant. I had even taken a photo of it to send to my sister, and showed it to her. Although it totally derailed the interview, we had a lovely visit about Oakland and the area – so much so that we (although we had just met) we hugged at the end of the interview. (Here’s hoping she is the final decision maker for hiring!)
   And the other day I was driving through the hills of Berkeley, California, and drove through a neighborhood that I didn't really remember from growing up. But as I drove up this particular hill I remembered that a few months ago I had a dream that I was driving through this exact neighborhood. It was the exact houses, facing the exact direction, at the exact time of day. And a very strong sense of déjà vu came over me.
   Now I’m neither a big believer in “coincidence” nor in “déjà vu” – but the sensations that came over me both times are very familiar. This wasn’t the first déjà vu that I have had – but it's also not something that happens to me very frequently.
   I still remember my first déjà vu:  I was 10 years old. I had been raising rabbits, specifically lop-ear Checker Giants, for a children's amusement park in Oakland at which I worked called Children's Fairyland. I had the girl, Priscilla – and my best friend had the boy, Peter. (I know, Peter Rabbit, not very original!) Anyway, the girl rabbit had just had a baby bunnies – but the raccoons had gotten to the cage – it was horrible. Utter mayhem. And there, talking on the phone to LoLo (see blogpost from a few days ago here), the woman in charge of the Petting Zoo, I had a déjà vu. I was just standing there in my kitchen, next to my dad’s typewriter. I still remember it all very clearly – it had that big of an impact on me.
   My personal philosophy about déjà vu is this:  It means that “you are where you are supposed to be”. I think that maybe they are leftovers from the pre-existence. That maybe, just maybe, we got to see little snippets of our life – and these pieces are just remnants that didn’t get erased from our memories in the pre-existence. I like that – that sense of the clarity from something that you know isn't a memory from this life.
   So this past week in Oakland, driving around the Bay Area – I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Even with all the craziness and weird detours that my life has taken, somehow I am exactly where I am supposed to be. In some ways that is frustrating – like I knew all this crap was going to happen, and I still signed up for this.
   But in a larger sense it is very comforting. Like my life is on track. I am doing what I'm supposed to do. And I am where I am supposed to be. Like meeting Janice today at AAA, and having so much in common with her – down to the same street (a street with less than 20 houses on it) – it was just like reconnecting with an old friend.

   Call it coincidence, déjà vu, fate, kismet, destiny, or chance – to me it is confirmation that I’m where I am supposed to be. Which is great – because I am just WHERE I want to be, and I am WHO I want to be. And I have an incredible sense of peace that everything is going to work out just fine.




Sunday, October 26, 2014

DAY 56 - WARD FAMILY

My dear friend, Marge Hawkins and me.
October 2014
While in Oakland this week, I decided to stay with an old family friend, Marge Hawkins. Marge is 92-years-old now, and the last of a group of dear friends. When I was growing up in Oakland 4th Ward, it was truly the epitome of a Ward Family – and since my dad was the bishop, we were right in the center of things.
   There were the normal church things: church on Sunday, back then every Sunday morning and Sunday late afternoon (plus we were usually there all day, because Dad was bishop); Primary on Wednesday afternoons; Relief Society used to get together during the week, for quilting bees, etc.; Ward Parties quite regularly, often Pot Luck Dinners (at $.05 per scoop) or Bazaars selling handmade goods and such; Early Morning Seminary; Mutual; etc.
   Plus, there was Study Group and Rook Club. That was the Inner Circle, and the people that I thought were my aunts and uncles – because they were closer to me than any of my actual aunts and uncles, and I was fortunate to see them all the time. Study Group was couples, about 24 people total, that would get together on the 3rd Sunday of each month to “study the gospel”. OK, that was the official reason – but any of us kids knew that it was just another excuse to get together, eat good food, and visit. They would take turns hosting, everyone would bring a dish to share, and they would read a chapter of “The Restored Gospel” under the direction of John Nelson. (John was the narrator for the first set of the scriptures on cassette and was the perfect discussion leader.) Out of the 2+ hours spent together that evening, there was about 30-minutes of Gospel – and then everyone would head home.
   And then there was Rook Club. Again, hosted in rotation, 2nd Friday of each month, again everyone brought their best dish to share for dinner, and after dinner: Rook. Rook is a card game (kindof like Bridge), and they played it with four tables of 4 – and even had a rotation schedule for moving “up” or “down” depending on how you were playing. And you never played with your spouse as your partner – and now I realize how smart that was on the relationship-front, because these people were serious about their Rook. And along with all of the card-playing, and fabulous treats on every table, stories and laughter were in no short supply. As kids, we were allowed to serve dinner, clear plates afterward, and then banished to our bedrooms – to listen to the chatter and laughter through the walls, because with all that raucousness there was no way we were going to be getting any sleep.
   And these dear friends kept these groups going for over 20 years, maybe even 30 years. It was far more than just 2-days each month. The women talked to each other on the phone frequently. The men did business together and referred business to each other regularly. They watched out for each other, cared for each other, loved each other. And because I came along so much later in my parents’ lives (most of these couples have grandkids my age), I got to be a little more involved. I was allowed to attend Study Group sometimes, so my parents didn’t have to leave me home alone on a Sunday. I even got to play Rook sometimes, to fill in for a missing spouse.
   I now realize that one of the things that truly made a difference is that they made time for each other. These events were always held on the same days every month, and people just didn’t allow anything else to be scheduled on those days. Sometimes someone couldn’t make it, and there were a few Backup Couples for Club (because you always had to have 16 people). But they would plan Family Vacations around it. Reschedule dinners with other friends. Because of all the friends in this world, this group was as much family as friends.
   They served in Bishoprics, Ward Callings, and Stake Callings together. Their kids all grew up together – and even a generation (or two) later, there is still the remnants of those amazing relationships where kids try to make it to weddings, mission farewells, etc.  I attended the funerals of most of this group. Marge is the very last of the group still alive. The funerals for her husband and my father were on the same day – a seeming coincidence, but we both feel that maybe there is also meaning that friends that served together and were so close for so many years decided to also move into the next life together too.
   I live in a great ward now, with friends and neighbors that I love and that love me – and that is something that I am incredibly grateful for. But the Old Oakland 4th Ward was unlike anything that existed before or since. It was the ultimate example of what Ward Family really means. Because more than just attending church together on Sundays, the essence of the gospel is about Love – and that means showing and sharing love with those around you. I am grateful for the amazing example that dear friends like Marge Hawkins have been to me since the very day I was born. And I hope that as I continue to be a member of this church and a member of my current ward that I can try to follow the example of caring and sharing love that I have been blessed to receive.




Saturday, October 25, 2014

DAY 55 - CHILDREN'S FAIRYLAND and the Love Story that Never Was

Gena Roe at Children's Fairyland October 2014
There is a charming children’s amusement park in Downtown Oakland called Children’s Fairyland. It is nestled along the shore of Lake Merritt, and is based on Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes – and I spent a million hours there as a kid. Built in the 1950s, it definitely has a Retro feel to it. And today I spent a lovely afternoon wandering through Children’s Fairyland and remember the times I enjoyed there growing up.
   When I was a kid my dad was President of the Lake Merritt Breakfast Club, the sponsoring entity for Children’s Fairyland – so I got the opportunity to be a Character at Fairyland. Each year a few dozen kids are selected to be Characters, which means that we got to be special volunteers for the year – but primarily during the summer. What started for me as a 10-year-old, continued for years to come.
   Back in the early days of Fairyland, PoPo was a permanent fixture. Count PoPo de Bathe (yes, Popo was really his first name) started in a circus at age 15 and remained a circus performer for many years, and eventually became a Magician – later in life he was an Ambassador for Unicef. Few people ever saw PoPo without his clown make-up – and I remember the first time I did, because my dad had to point out that it was PoPo. PoPo was at Fairyland 7-days-a-week, did at least 5 shows every day, and always had a pocket full of balloons for making balloon animals for every kid that he met. As a man that lived a life of service and bringing joy to children, PoPo also often visited children in the hospital.
   Although PoPo spent his entire life making children laugh and bringing joy to others, PoPo actually had a very sad life early on. He was an orphan, left on a church doorstep in a shoebox as a newborn, in 1900. Even his adoptive family abandoned him – asking the neighbors to watch him for an hour, and then never returned. I remember one of PoPo’s birthdays, I wished him a Happy Birthday – and he told me that he didn’t actually even know when he birthday was, but this day had been someone’s guess when he was little so that was when he celebrated it. Because of this he decided that he could never marry. He planned to spend the rest of his life alone.
LoLo and PoPo
   Also at Fairyland was LoLo, whose real name was Adonna Mae Houston – and she was The Old Woman Who Lived in The Shoe, which was the Ticket Booth Operator at the entrance. She also ran the petting zoo and took care of the animals. And LoLo was in love with PoPo. LoLo’s father had been a circus man in the late 1800s to early 1900s, and that’s how LoLo met PoPo. Eventually they ended up in Oakland, and the home LoLo had inherited from her father was filled with Circus Memorabilia. And LoLo let PoPo live in her house, while she lived in an apartment building next door.
LoLo and PoPo
   While PoPo lived in the main part of the house, over 100 animals lived in the basement. With the circus, LoLo had been involved with animal acts – and her love for animals stayed with her the rest of her life. LoLo definitely brought her work home with her, she had about 150 animals at Fairyland – mostly rabbits and guinea pigs – and another 100 at home. She spent her own money to feed the animals, and had arranged with a few local restaurants for their vegetable scraps too. For work, she work a costume, and her apron pockets usually had a couple of bunnies in them.
   LoLo and PoPo were best friends and spent a great deal of time together – but PoPo refused to ever get married. So these two people – so apparently in love – lived at arms distance. Both of them such kind and loving people, spending their lives bringing joy to thousands of children, and always falling one step short of true happiness in their own lives.
photograph of PoPo by Ansel Adams
   I spent most of my summers at Fairyland, and most Saturdays during the school year – for about 5-years. Most of it was helping with the animals, but I loved Fairyland, so I was happy to help with just about anything. I did the Petting Zoo, I cleaned out rabbit cages, I fed the donkey (named Pinocchio) – and I loved every minute of it. I knew every inch of that adorable amusement park, and loved going back stage during the puppet shows with Lou Mahlmann and magic shows with PoPo. It truly was a magical place, and magical people that built their entire lives around bringing joy to others. An incredible lesson in my life.
   I still remember the day PoPo died, in 1981. Since PoPo was so close to Dad, he found out early – and told me as soon as I got home from school. I started to cry, and Dad held me tight – and when I pulled away I could see the tears in Dad’s eyes too. For a man who never had any family, PoPo lived a life where people loved him as much as family. I went down to visit LoLo a few days later, but she wouldn’t open the door. She wouldn’t answer any phone calls. She was so in love with PoPo, and now the love of her life was gone. She left Oakland, Fairyland, the home her father left her – everything. Without PoPo none of it had any meaning for her anymore. She moved to Hawaii a short time later and lived the rest of her life there.
   Over the years I have often thought about LoLo and PoPo – the lives they lived, and the love they shared. I always found it sad that PoPo denied himself true love – and by doing so, denied it to LoLo too. It is a Love Story that almost was, that could have been.








Friday, October 24, 2014

DAY 54 - HOME AGAIN

Today was all about visiting my old Stomping Grounds. Redwoods Heights Elementary, where I attended all 7 years. It’s different now, with a couple of major additions, and the baseball fields are gone. Montera Junior High is now a Middle School and seems much smaller and less “crisp”. Skyline High – I couldn’t even drive up on campus, and it sure has changed, but I guess 30-years will do that to a place.
   I drove through my old neighborhood, remembered the Bybees, Tsangs, Taylors, Jack, Boggs, Ethel, Jeffries, Wilmonts, the neighbor we called “Tobacco Man” because he always had a cigar hanging out of his mouth – all gone now. The houses all painted different colors. Hedges and trees cut down. The Trout Pond no longer surrounded by wild blackberries – that we were often sent to pick for a nice dessert, but only half ever made it home.
   I stopped in front of my childhood home, and desperately wanted to go up to the door and knock – pull a Miranda Lambert to walk through the house, the basement, the backyard. But it didn’t look like anyone was home, and even just through the front window I could tell that it wasn’t MY Home anymore. Dad’s recliner isn’t in the living room, Mom’s needlework isn’t on the coffee table, Tref won’t bark when I walk up to the door. I’m sure the stain on my bedroom carpet (from spilling red food coloring) is long gone. And the doorknob I broke off when I got trapped in my bedroom closet has long since been replaced.
   And that’s what made it Home to me. It was more than the four-walls – it was what happened within them. The Thanksgiving Dinners we had in the dining room. The amazing (and absolutely perfect) Divinity candy that my mother made in the kitchen. The evenings we hosted Rook Club, and there were 4 card tables, 16 chairs, and a million laughs shared.
   Because it’s people that make a house a home. It’s the love and life shared there. And now that my parents are gone, I will never have a place quite like that again. It was a fabulous childhood – but adulthood is irreversible.
   So this week in Oakland I reminisce and remember. But I don’t really have to fly back to Oakland to do it, because I always have those memories with me. Sometimes having a good memory is a curse, because I have such a challenge of letting things go. But it also means that I can be with Mom and Dad anytime I want, because they are always with me – only just a memory away.





DAY 53 - I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO

I grew up in the Bay Area, and when I was a kid we went to San Francisco all the time. So today, since I’m in California for a job interview, I decided to spend the day Across The Bay. Because I am here during World Series, I decided to leave the car behind – and I headed on BART, the Bay Area Subway system. I remember when BART was built, back when I was a kid. And it is definitely a different sensation to go UNDER the Bay and know that the Pacific Ocean is above you. There’s that familiar ear-pop when you are back to dry land.
   I started off in the Embarcadero, and strolled along the ocean front. I found a darling little neighborhood park I’d never noticed before, and stopped to walk through it – and even crossed to the island in the middle. I stopped at Pier 39 including the Hard Rock Café, and a dozen of the great shops there.
   Then to Fisherman’s Wharf for a bite at Alioto’s, my moms’ favorite restaurant. When I was a kid, for birthdays and anniversaries it was Alioto’s –which is fine with me, because I have ALWAYS loved seafood. Lobster, crab, the best clam chowder in the world – and SOURDOUGH. If you think you like Sourdough Bread, you need to try San Francisco Sourdough – there is nothing like it in this world. So Alioto’s Clam Chowder in a Sourdough Bread Bowl was the perfect meal.
   A few blocks farther, and Ghirardelli Square – the home of Ghirardelli Chocolate. Yummmmm! I have no doubt that Heaven is Chocolate-Scented. At Ghirardelli Square you can see the 100+ year old equipment that was originally used to make chocolate, get a sample of Ghirardelli Chocolate – and shop in their amazing store for an incredible assortment of CHOCOLATE. Then, of course, a stop at the Soda Fountain for a delicious Ghirardelli Sea Salt Caramel Hot Cocoa – truly TO DIE FOR!
  One more stop at Maritime Aquatic Park – right on the waterfront in San Francisco. Across the water you can see Alcatraz. This is the turn-around point for the famous Cable Cars. Sailboats floating by, fog rolling in, and street vendors – so I stopped for a caricature.
   Although The City has changed significantly over the years, it is also filled with fabulous finds – and fabulous memories. Not only was my clam chowder delicious, but I sat there, with the boats docked just outside my window – and I know that I had dinner with my mom today. She never would have missed a chance at Alioto’s, and I don’t think she missed today either. There is a great little seashell shop on the corner, and Dad always used to buy me a little $5 basket of shells when I asked. Heck, I still love seashells. Because as much as San Francisco is a marvelous city to visit, it is a place we always went to celebrate. And along this 83-day Journey, I am celebrating. And today I celebrated the happiness of a wonderful childhood and the great times celebrated with my parents. They may be gone now, but the memories they instilled in me will always be there for me.




Wednesday, October 22, 2014

DAY 52 - FEELING WANTED

Last week I had a fabulous interview with Apple Computers. This week I had a second interview with Fannie Mae. Today I flew to California for a Final Interview with AAA. After all the hard work at sending out resumes and applying for jobs, I am getting some great responses. And it’s nice to feel “Wanted” again.
   As I wrote a few weeks ago, being Single and Unemployed is interesting. With sending out resumes, you just hope that you have what someone is looking for. With Dating it is much the same thing.
   I’ve been on a few Dating Websites, and I’ve been on quite a few dates this summer. But it’s very much the same thing: putting my “qualifications” out there, and hoping someone is looking for what I have to offer. But Dating and Job Hunting are both very much a Waiting Game. Waiting for an email, waiting for a text, waiting for a phone call.
   Sadly, nowadays manners and concern for other’s feelings is becoming less commonplace. Guys cancel dates via text, or sometimes don’t show up at all. They’ll act VERY interested face-to-face one day, and stop responding to texts the next – without explanation, or just the “it’s not you, it’s me”. Employers hire you “At Will” – and end contracts suddenly and without notice. Loyalty is becoming a thing of the past.
   After the cruel way I was treated, I was left feeling very unwanted. So to meet some (obviously brilliant) men that are interested in me and want to ask me out on a date has been very healing for me. And getting some great interviews with some fabulous companies has been great too. 




Monday, October 20, 2014

DAY 50 - FALLING IN LOVE WITH FALL

Today was a glorious day weather wise. It started cool this morning, warmed up into a beautiful day, and then ended with a crisp evening. A seldom-used Fire Pit got a little action. A few vibrant red leaves were stolen from a neighbor’s lawn. I stood under the tree across the street, filled with a Fall Rainbow of colors, and looked up from the center to catch a glimpse of blue sky between the fluttering leaves.
   October. Sad for the end of summer. Sadder still for the impending winter approaching. But all on its own, October is truly magnificent. Perfect for a quick drive up the canyon. Throw a couple of puppies in the back seat for a “Car Ride” – and a quick drive up to Bridal Veil Falls to soak in the beauty of nature.
   When I was in high school I wanted to be a photographer, so my dad bought me a professional 35mm camera. I loved taking pictures, laying out “stylized” shots, making friends pose. Today I was missing having a nice camera, because my iPhone just didn’t do the incredible landscape justice.
   Arctic Circle has Pumpkin Shakes. Kneaders has Pumpkin everything. Halloween decorations are out. The last of the canning is being done. I even got a call today about Thanksgiving Dinner – definitely a sign that Summer is over and Fall is firmly here.

   So one of these next few evenings, take my advice: for dinner, soup – ideally, Grilled Cheese Sandwiches with Tomato Soup; set a fire somewhere appropriate and enjoy a nice cup of Apple Cider; and take a quick stroll and gather a few of the beautiful fall leaves. We are not going to have very many more days like this before the snow flies.  



Sunday, October 19, 2014

DAY 49 - STARRY, STARRY NIGHT

A few years ago a friend gave me this sign:

            
Except that when I first read it, what I read was: 
Good friends are like STAIRS. 
You don’t always see them, 
but you know they are always there.

   I thought it was an unusual quote, but as a gift from Kisi Watkins – one of my funniest friends – even with my misreading of it, I still found meaning in it. Only after about a week did I notice that it said STARS. Ahhhh, whole different meaning entirely. (I had wondered how she knew I was such a klutz on stairs?!?!?)

   Tonight after the sunset had finished and the night sky was beginning to sparkle, I grabbed the dogs and went for a walk. I love FALL! The crisp evening air – cool, but not yet cold. And this evening the sky was filled with stars.
   The neighborhood was mostly quiet – except for adorable neighbors I bumped into for a quick “Hi” and a hug. Just me, the dogs, and the empty streets of Provo – and the stars.
   There’s something about this time of year that makes the stars seem closer – and bigger. And there’s something about spending some time alone with the stars and the heavens that promotes soul-searching – especially on a Sunday night. With some of the decisions facing me on my horizon, taking time out to be contemplative is important. And as the stars flicker overhead, I find clarity in my thoughts – and answers begin to come.
   As I walked back home I remember a song my mom sang that asks:
Would you like to swing on a star?
Or carry moonbeams home in a jar?
And be better off than you are
Or would you rather be a . . .
   Then the song asks if you’d rather be a mule, a pig, a fish, etc. OK, weird, I know – but it is a cute little song.

   And I realized that although my life isn’t perfect, it’s mine. And I would rather be ME than a mule, a pig, a fish – or anyone else that I know. Because I wouldn’t trade shoes with anyone – and I’m pretty sure no one else would trade shoes with me either. We are each as unique as the stars in the sky – and it is up to each of us to shine.





Saturday, October 18, 2014

DAY 48 - 10,000 HITS

You should get in 10,000 steps every day. You can go 10,000 Miles with Mary Chapin Carpenter. You can listen to 10,000 Maniacs (“These Are The Days” is my personal preference.) There is a group building a 10,000 year clock – to represent long-term and innovative thinking. 10,000 is the square of 100, and the square root of 100,000,000. Edison said of the light bulb that he’d discovered 10,000 ways not to do it. I have already lived almost twice that many days on this earth, and have about that many days until Retirement.
   And today for me: 10,000 hits on my blog. I really don’t do much more than write it, publish it, and post it on my Facebook page. But somehow parts of it have been read 10,000 times.
   That is incredibly humbling. I started this blog 2 years ago (after my divorce) to push myself to do more writing – but I was haphazard at it at best. Once in a while I would write something, but only made 15 posts in the first year – then nothing for the next year. And, well, 2014 has been unusual year for me – and honestly, I didn’t start blogging until my husband of 5-weeks left me.
   I have always wanted to be a Writer. Even as a little kid I thought I’d grow up to be a Magazine Editor. Or maybe a Librarian. But I have always loved Words. And especially since I spent most of the past year living out of a suitcase in hotels around the country, the internet became my lifeline. And blogging became my Therapy. Blogging makes me think about things, and forces me to find the words for the feelings, and demands that I come to a conclusion.
   Blogging allows me to Let Go. Once I get a topic on paper, written out and polished up to publish – there is a completeness to it. Even if I don’t find closure, there is a sense of resolution to it – and that allows me to Let Go, even if only of that one tiny piece of my broken heart. And I’m pretty sure that 10,000 is the number of pieces my heart has been shattered into – so maybe there will be 10,000 blogposts to resolve each one of them.
   But 10,000 is also the number of Hopes and Dreams I still have ahead of me. 10,000 is about the number of friends I have in this world, and 10,000 is the number more I hope to gather. 10,000 is the number of things I am grateful for, the number of blessings I receive every day, and the number of silent prayers in my heart constantly.
   Thank you for sharing this Journey with me. It has been a healing process for me – and to have 10,000 moments that I have been able to share this part of my heart with you is probably the most healing part of all.