NaNoWriMo - Mission Accomplished

On November 1st I set a goal to do NaNoWriMo, NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth – which was to work on a novel by writing 50,000 words by November 30th. Well, it’s November 30th, and I did it – I wrote 54,070 words, and it feels great!

   Not that it's been easy. I stated off the month really strong with 10,000 words by the end of Day 3 – and for the next few days kept going strong. But after the first week I started to get busy, I started working again, I found a million other things pulling away my attention – and as the month progressed I got farther and farther behind.

   Then, as I headed into this 4-day weekend for Thanksgiving, I reassessed the situation. When I got to work last Wednesday I checked my Word Count and was at 34,221. Not bad, but 15,000 words in 4 days, although tough, did seem do-able. As I left work on Wednesday for the holiday, I decided that I would just chain myself to my laptop all weekend and try to catch up.

   I had a bit of a drive to and from Family for Thanksgiving, so I used that time to ruminate on my story – develop a few parts of it a bit better, because it’s always easier to sit down to write when you have a few ideas ready to go. I jotted down a few notes, but really didn’t get much writing in on Wednesday or Thursday, because I wanted to spend the time with Family.

   So Friday I headed to Village Inn for “Breakfast” – or at least that was my excuse. I decided that if I stayed home, despite living alone, that I would get distracted by a sink of dirty dishes, laundry, and a million other things. No, I needed to go somewhere – somewhere I couldn’t really do anything but write. Besides, I was out of groceries and a nice omelet seemed the perfect motivation to start a day of writing. 4 hours later, with a nearly-dead laptop battery I had cranked out another 6,000 words. That put me over 40,000 words, and with 2 days to go I knew I could achieve this goal. I ran a few much-needed errands, recharged my batteries – both personally and my laptop, then Friday evening another few hours got me another few thousand words.

   Reinvigorated but tired, I slept-in on Saturday, and then again headed out to write – this time down to Malawi’s in Riverwoods for Small Business Saturday and lunch. Besides, bottomless fountain drinks always help. Another 4 hours, another dead battery, and goal achieved. [And, yes, I am pretty proud of myself!]

   I think that's how goals typically work: start strong, things get rough or boring and I start to lose steam. But with a deadline approaching and seeing that completion is within reach - well, it gives me that extra 'umph' to try. Which sometimes, just sometimes, leads to triumph.

   After 7 years at Franklin Covey, I did learn quite a few things that I continue to use even 15 years later. I do believe in setting SMART goals – and I don't just mean intelligent, but S.M.A.R.T.

• S – Specific – State EXACTLY what you want to achieve (Who, What, Where, Why)
• M – Measurable – How will you know you’ve achieved it?
• A – Achievable – Is it something you can realistically accomplish with the time and resources available?
• R – Relevant – Is it really important to you?
• T – Time-sensitive – Give yourself enough time, but always set a deadline.

   It doesn't always work, but lately I've done pretty good on my goals. I set an 83-day goal, and although I didn’t originally intend to blog every day, I did – and it felt great. As I’ve been job hunting the past few months, I set a goal to send out 100 resumes each week – and before I got this Temporary Contract, I was sticking to it; and even with working, I still spend a few hours every week sending out resumes. And now success on my goal with NaNoWriMo. My novel may not be done, but I'm 54,070 words closer to completion.

   So set your goals - because life is what you make of it. There are many areas of my life that aren’t going quite according to plan – but many of those are well-outside my circle of influence. But for those areas that I can influence and direct, I am really trying to. It does no good to just sit around and complain about life, because complaining about it doesn’t change it. So I choose to take action and make the changes that I want. It doesn’t always work, but when it does my life is better – and that’s really what life is all about anyway: Living the best life that you can, and moving a little forward today from where you were yesterday.

THANKSGIVING - a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens

We all know about Thanksgiving and the Pilgrims and Native Americans. We all have our favorite meals that typically include things as turkey, stuffing, potatoes, pumpkin pie, and something made with Jell-O. And we all have our favorite traditions and memories – which mine include Mom’s Turkey Plates and Grandma Roe Salad (which has no veggies in it, because “Vegetables are for children”).

   But Thanksgiving really became what it is today because of Abraham Lincoln and the Civil War. After the Battle at Gettysburg, President Lincoln wanted to unify these divided United States, so he declared the fourth Thursday in November as “a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.” It was not the first such day, but in my opinion the most poignant.

   As I read his words (in the Proclamation printed below), I realized that this was the middle of the Civil War (1861-1865). President Lincoln had been watching brother fight against brother, and young men and old fall dead all around him – yet still he could praise God for the blessings that he and this country cherished -- for “the gracious gifts of the Most High God”.

   And he, as both man and president, specifically petitioned:  “I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.”

   We all have much to be grateful for – much of which we owe to Lincoln and the many others that have come before us. I personally have so much to be grateful for. And as I spent a few minutes on Facebook today, I observed the heartfelt gratitude of friends near and far. And as my Thanksgiving Plea today, with the Civil Unrest of this week, I am reminded of how grateful I am for the peaceful country in which we live – and I pray for peace for those engaged in these conflicts. May we all ever be grateful.

President Abraham Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Proclamation, 1863

   The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God. In the midst of a civil war of unequalled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign States to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere except in the theatre of military conflict; while that theatre has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union. Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defence, have not arrested the plough, the shuttle, or the ship; the axe had enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased, notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege and the battle-field; and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years, with large increase of freedom.

   No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

   It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.

   In testimony whereof, I have hereunto set my hand, and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

   Done at the city of Washington, this third day of October, in the year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-three, and of the independence of the United States the eighty-eighth."

   Proclamation of President Abraham Lincoln, October 3, 1863.

DAY 83 – THE END OF THE JOURNEY is merely the beginning of a new one

So, today is “officially” the last day of this 83-day Journey. But this is certainly not the end. If anything, one of the lessons that I have learned is that there is always tomorrow – and my future can be anything I choose for it to be.

   Although I won’t be blogging every.single.day anymore, I will definitely be blogging. It has been a great thing for me, and I have received some wonderful and loving feedback from it – for which I am very grateful. My whole life I have always wanted to be a writer, and along this journey I believe I have become one – at least the start of one. And that has been a life-long dream come true.
   The purpose of this 83-day Journey was to Fall in Love with Myself - and I can truthfully say that I have accomplished that goal. I have fallen in love with who I am and where I am in my life. I have fallen in love with the choices I have made and the choices I make every day. I have fallen in love with an amazing future. I have fallen in love with the blessings I have in my life - which includes amazing people and fabulous opportunities. I have fallen in love not only with life, but specifically with MY life.

   I started this journey in an effort to heal from the pain of a broken heart. There is still pain there – because love lost is a thing of pain, and cruelty intentionally inflicted definitely leaves scars. But I choose to not let bitterness nor hopelessness consume me – which would be so easy to do. Instead I choose to focus on the parts of my life that bring me the happiness to continue to move forward in faith.

   Because although my past is what makes me the person that I am today, my entire future lies untouched before me at my feet. And that future can be anything I choose to make of it. And that choice is mine to make, and mine alone.

   One bad day doesn’t make a bad life. And even when life is pretty rough in-the-Now, that doesn’t have to be a permanent state. I chose to step into the light – and that is where I choose to spend the remainder of my days.

   Because the glass is either half empty or half full. Around each of us every day is both light and darkness, good and bad, trials and opportunities, and as many blessings as we choose to see. So I choose to see a life filled with opportunities and blessings – and an overflowing wealth of love. And because that is what I choose to see, I am blessed with an abundance in my life far greater than I can even begin to express. And the more blessings I choose to acknowledge and receive into my life, the more I continue to receive.

   Earlier this year, a friend said to me: “With all of the pain and struggle that you are going through, the light at the end of your tunnel is going to be amazing.” At the time it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but today I can see the wisdom of her words. Because I do have a bright future, and I refuse to let those people in my past that didn’t appreciate me and who tried to tear me down continue to have any control over me. Their failure to follow their dreams and create a better future certainly doesn’t mean that I have to follow their poor examples. Because there will always be people in your life that want to tear your down and hold you back – because they live in fear, and don’t want you to move forward ahead of them.

   But I am moving forward, and I am in a far better place than I have ever been. I have been interviewing with some of the best companies in the country – including Apple, Nike, Verizon, and the Army (as a civilian). I have met some fabulous men and been on some terrific dates – and am literally having the time of my life. I am in a good place financially, am moving forward toward my life-long dream of being a Writer (with both this blog and the novel I am currently writing), am starting a small home-based business on the side (as a hobby), and working toward a dozen other goals.

   My future is mine to make of it what I will. And I will not make excuses. I will not delay happiness. I will not live my life in fear. I will surround myself with wonderful people. I will take risks and make leaps of faith when new opportunities are before me. I will follow my heart and live a life of passion, because doing anything less is not being true to myself.

   So although this is the end of the 83-day Journey, it is nothing close to the end of MY journey. Tomorrow I begin another 83-day Journey, and another after that, and another. Because the entire rest of my life is a Journey – and a journey I can begin each and every day.

   This ending is really just another beginning – as each new day is. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for the love and support. And if you choose, continue along the rest of this Journey of Life with me – I promise that it will be anything but boring.

DAY 82 - THE PAST 82 DAYS, and where this journey has taken me

As I look back on the past 82 days, I see the fabulous journey that I have been able to take. Along the journey I have renewed old friendships, made new friendships, and started some new parts of my life. Part of this journey has been remembering the people and blessings in my past. Part of this journey has been looking for a new job. Part of this journey is dating new people and starting new relationships.

   And as the saying goes, “it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.” I have very much approached this next phase of my life with this viewpoint. I could complain and get depressed about all the things that have happened to me – but that's not who I want to be. I am a happy and positive person, and I want to live a happy and positive life.

   So that is what I choose to do – because it is definitely a choice. I may have been the victim of some very bad choices that others chose to make, but I cannot change the past nor take away their free agency. But that is also all in my past, and although it has shaped my life and contributed to the person I am today – my entire future is still ahead of me.

   For the past 82 days I have reflected on my life and the people, experiences, and lessons that I have learned. And I do think it is good to review the past – for “those that do not learn from the past are destined to repeat it.” And heaven knows I do not want to repeat some of these experiences. I choose to learn from them. And I choose to move on.

   I honestly thought that this 83 days would be about all of the hurt and devastation of this past year. I thought it would be about the wrongs done to me and the cruelty unfairly thrust on me.

   But this Journey didn’t take that route – and I’m glad. Although I don’t regret the choices I made, I have made the choice to learn the lessons that are there for me to learn – and to look for the good in the world and in my life. This Journey has taken me to friends old and new, and recollections of the amazing people that I have been blessed to have in my life.

   I took the time this evening to read back through the past 82 blogposts, I can remember every single step along the way. The touching memories, the joy and laughter, the lessons learned. I have been reflective, and it has brought a richness into my life. I have taken the time to stop and smell the roses, and because I have I feel that my future will be even brighter.

   Because although my life hasn’t turned out anything like the way I planned it, I do have a fabulous life. I am blessed beyond measure, and I am filled with gratitude. And every single step of my past has contributed to the person I am today – and I think that the person I am today is pretty terrific.

   Beyond the 82 blogposts that I have shared, are hundreds more memories that I have recollected – and thousands more to come. And that has been such a joy along this Journey – and a fabulous gift that I bring from my past into my future.

   Tomorrow is the last day of this 83-day Journey, and tomorrow I will look forward. But for tonight I will remember. I will remember the people. I will remember the places. I will remember the experiences. And mostly, I will remember the love. Because love is really what it is all about – our past, our present, and our future. And I am blessed with a life filled with people that love me, and a heart that is overflowing with love. 

DAY 81 - JOURNALING, it's the write stuff

A few of my actual journals, from this year alone.

If you're reading my blog, then you know I like to write. It’s a habit I started when I was very young. I started journaling back in elementary school, and for most of my life I have been a very avid journaler.

   When I was about age 12, I wrote my journal to my brother Mike – even though I never knew him. Writing my journal as if letters to him, helped me feel closer to him – and help me feel a little bit less alone.

   And I do think that is part of why I have always written in my journal – because I grew up kindof like an only child. Even though my parents had three children, none of us grew up together. From the age of 5, I was the only child at home (Fran had left for college) – and as a latch-key kid on those days that my mom worked, well – I had a lot of time alone. Although I read a ton, and had a lot of friends to play with, there was still a lot of time alone. So I wrote – a lot.

   I am quite certain that part of my writing/journaling I get from my father also. You would never have caught Dad without a pen and paper on him. He used to take a piece of paper and folded a special way – and each section meant something to him in his Newspaper Head: the Who, What, When, Where, Why, How of it all. Even though I don't have to fold paper in a special way, you also rarely find me without pen and paper on me. It's how I spend my free time. And there is a “security blanket” comfort that comes with having pen and paper always at hand.

   Certainly it's easier to tote a journal around being a girl – because I can always stick it in my purse. I always have a journal in my purse. Even with all of the traveling I have done this past year, and my dutiful effort to travel light as a road warrior – I still always had a journal and four or five pens on me. Always. Better than American Express – I just can't leave home without it.

   For me, journaling has become increasingly easier over the years – ever since Al Gore invented the Internet. (Ha ha.) With always having a computer at work, and now a SmartPhone on me – “virtual pen and paper” are always at hand, and I can print them off later at home. That way anywhere I am, as long as I have Internet access, I can write in my journal. Heck, I would write on parchment, banana leaves, even bubblegum wrappers if that's what it took. Putting pen to paper is just as much a part of me as breathing.

My shelf our journals, now over 6-feet long.

   Most of my journal is just me talking things out – kindof like talking to myself. It's how I think things through and work things out. So obviously, I have done a lot of journaling this past year. And through the past 49 years there have been some really tough times in my life, and I have written excessively during those times. It seems the older I get the more I write. When I was younger I probably averaged about a page a week. Nowadays I fill a 3-inch binder every single year. Sometimes even more than that.

   I think part of the reason is that Spencer W. Kimball was the Prophet when I was growing up, and he too was an avid journaler. He was always counseling the youth to keep a journal. And I distinctly remember a picture of him in his Prophet Office, with a shelf filled with hard bound journals behind him – very proudly displayed. That made a huge impression on me, and after I bought my first house – I got a bookshelf and put my journals on one of the shelves. And over the years that shelf has gotten fuller and fuller. In my current Den, I have a fabulous IKEA bookshelf – with 6-foot long shelves. This last year I not only finished that 6-feet of shelving with my journals, but it now overflows onto the shelf below. And I am nowhere close to slowing down – and never stopping.

From my earlier journal entry,
1979, I was 14-years-old.

   But it's not like I want anyone to read my journal or anything. Heaven forbid! In fact, I should add a line to my Will that states that my journals get buried with me. Except that I would need a bigger burial plot – much bigger.

   I write because I have to. Writing in my journal – heck, writing at all is as much a part of me as the hair on my head or the blood in my veins. It is just something that I have to do. And somehow, even with all of the time that I do find to write – it is still never enough time to get it all captured.

   Blogging and journaling or two very different things to me. My journals are very private, incredibly intimate. The deepest thoughts and darkest secrets of my heart. And the pieces of the lives of others that they have shared with me and the lessons I learned from them – both good and bad.

   Blogging, on the other hand, that's very public – and that is what it is intended for. But my journal, is as private and secret as it comes. It is my most intimate and private thoughts. It’s the stuff that I can’t share with another human soul – not with the men I married, not with a best girlfriend, sometimes I struggle to even put it onto paper to share it with myself.

   But there are things that shouldn’t be bottled up – things that tear you down and leave you feeling hollow. After my divorce, I journaled to figure out how to build my new future, I journaled to figure out what had happened, and to gain much needed perspective on why I was treated so cruelly when I had been nothing but loving and supportive. And as I put it all onto paper, as the pieces of the puzzle that is my life flowed from the pen, I gained tremendous insight.

   Personally, I am blessed with tremendous inspiration and very clear personal revelation when I am writing in my journal. Thoughts and understanding come to me through journaling that I simply cannot receive any other way.

   So grab a notebook and a pen, and sneak off to a corner somewhere. Heck, I’ll even share my Writing Corner with you.

DAY 80 - THIS IS MY LIFE, AND THESE ARE MY RULES

I’ve never been too much into rules. Oh sure, when I’m playing a card game, I usually follow them (in fact, I usually read them and refer to them.) And our whole country is set up with rules – aka Laws – and I follow those. And I respect those households that request for you to take your shoes off at the door, etc.

   But at my house, I really don’t have Rules. I truly don’t care if people put their feet on the coffee table (something strictly forbidden when I was a kid). Eating in bed is fine (but probably not chocolate, see Day 29). No curfews. No “you have to do this” or “you can’t do that”. Come on over, run amuck – I really don’t mind.

   And I try to be a law abiding citizen. I do get out and vote. I don’t murder or steal. OK, the four times I’ve been pulled over in the past 4 months are a significant indication that I’m not so great at “Rules of the Road” – but I am working on that one.

   This evening I attended the Utah Valley Writers meeting. It’s the League of Utah Writers (LUW) here in Provo/Orem – or at least it was until tonight. Apparently the parent-organization, LUW, hasn’t been following their own rules – so the Utah Valley group voted to secede. There was a lot of discussion and debate, but basically it boiled down to the fact that if the LUW wasn’t going to do what they said they would then we wouldn’t continue to belong to (and fund) them. So, as of this evening, we are an entity unto ourselves. That’s what happens when you break the rules.

   And it got me thinking about Rules, and why we have them, and what rules I have in my life. I like rules. Like when playing a game, you kind of need to have rules – it’s how you keep things fair. And although life isn’t always fair, cheating is always wrong.

   So although I don’t have rules at my house, I do have rules in my life. And I realized that as I approach the end of this 83-day Journey in a few days, that these blogposts have defined my Personal Rules – so decided to formalize them and write them down:

• First, be in love with yourself
• Gratitude is a healing balm
• Everyone you meet can teach you something
• Love is Unconditional and Forever
• Dance in the rain
• There is a lesson in every day
• Let go of things that no longer contribute to your life
• Change happens – whether you want it to or not
• I can do anything I set my mind to
• Inspiration is all around, you just need to look for it
• God sends His blessings through those around us
• Practice really does make perfect
• Never fall asleep eating chocolate
• If you build it (or write it), they will come
• Unlike when I was a child, I have learned to no longer hate naps (or spankings)
• Always have a backup plan
• You don’t need an excuse to do something with (or for) a friend
• Every little girl should see her dad as a hero
• Strangers are just friends I haven’t met yet
• It’s not about the destination – it’s about the journey
• Everyone wants to feel wanted
• As much as it hurts, it truly is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all
• This life is part of a Masterful Plan
• Puppies give love unconditionally – so should we
• Do something today that will make tomorrow better
• We all have a story to tell
• Sometimes life isn’t fair
• Share your talents – that’s why God gave them to you
• Every lady loves a gentleman
• Chocolate makes everything better

   So maybe they’re not so much Rules as they are Lessons Learned. At the end of each day, I read my scriptures, say my prayers, and reflect on the day to count the abundance of blessings I have been granted. That’s my rule for ending every single day.

   And the best thing about rules, is that you get to write your own rules for your own life.  

DAY 78 - CHOCOLATE MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER

Sometimes you just have one of “those” days. You know the type: you get pulled over on the way to work, there’s an accident in the lane right next to you, you forget your lunch, overdraw your checking account, …. You know, one of “those” days. And there’s only one solution for it:  CHOCOLATE!

    And it’s certainly nothing new for me either. One of my oldest friends recently asked me if I still craved chocolate – I gave her one of those looks, because that was just such a silly question. She remembered a time back when we were in high school that I was DYING for chocolate, and since her mom was a Diabetic there was always something around. I unwrapped a lovely Lindt Chocolate, popped it into my mouth, and chomped down – and promptly started running through the house, leaping over the people in my way. As I got to the bathroom and started spitting it out, Steph realized that she had just handed me a Liqueur Ball – Rum-filled Chocolate. It didn’t turn me off of chocolate, but it did cause me to carefully ready Lindt labels ever since.

   On the way home from work tonight, I stopped to grab some dinner. Nothing else sounded good, so I just grabbed some chocolate. I couldn’t decide just what type of chocolate I wanted – so I grabbed an assortment. I mean, I really wanted ice cream, so I grabbed some Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food (my second favorite only to Haagen Dazs Frozen Mexican Hot Chocolate). But it’s such a cold evening Hot Chocolate sounded great too – and what’s Hot Chocolate without Whipped Cream on top?

   So, that was dinner: Phish food (because fish is a health food) WITH Hot Chocolate (because the cream on top almost makes it like a soup). And since Cocoa is a bean, and beans are vegetables – it’s almost like a salad. Healthy? Maybe not – but just what I needed.

   I know that there are studies about the chemicals in chocolate that mimic . . . .  blah, blah, blah. I just know that there are times that Chocolate is the Answer – and it doesn’t even matter what the question is. Maybe it’s just pampering and indulging myself after a long day. Maybe it’s the Sweet Tooth I inherited from Mom (and BOY did she have a sweet tooth!) Maybe it’s giving myself permission to cry and feel sorry for myself for all the crappy cards life has dealt me – but only for tonight, and tomorrow I will pull it all together and face the world again.

   Honestly, “those” days are bound to happen – and that’s OK. They’re certainly tougher to face alone, and there are certainly worse ways to deal with them than chocolate. And I’m entitled to a bad day once-in-a-while – and I’d say 1-day-out-of-83 is pretty damn good odds. Today certainly isn’t the worst day I’ve faced this year. And it’s likely to not be my only bad day.

   But it’s just that: a bad day – one bad day. It’s not a bad life – because I really do have a pretty terrific life. And today certainly could have gone a lot worse. I have faith that tomorrow will be better, and because I believe that it will then it will.

   Because although chocolate fixed things for me this evening, I have learned that optimism is what fixes life. I refuse to let the trials of my life define me, but rather I am defined by the person I choose to be and the way I choose to live my life. And there is nothing sweeter than that – not even chocolate.

DAY 76 - CHILI ENOUGH FOR CHILI

I hate cold weather. I’m a very big Winter Wimp. I think it’s because I grew up in the Bay Area, where COLD was 55⁰ and HOT happened at 85⁰. Although I didn’t turn the furnace on until last week, I have found myself pulling out a few extra blankets the past few nights. A sure sign that we are rapidly moving through Fall and Winter will be here any day now. And the light dusting of snow on the lawn this morning only confirms my suspicions.

   One of the few things that I do actually like about the colder weather, is that for me Winter is definitely Crock Pot season. Sure, you can use it other times if you want, but I never do. But when the weather gets colder and I want something hot for dinner, there’s nothing like a crock pot.

   And, even for someone as lousy at cooking as I am (and I truly am a lousy cook), most crock pot recipes are rather foolproof. I mean, I don’t do any of the fancy ones – just the “dump a bunch of stuff in the pot and walk away” recipes. And fortunately, Pinterest is an easy source for oodles of recipes like that – ones that even I can do.

   Since I have always worked, I love days when I start the crock pot before leaving for the office – because it means getting to come home to a hot dinner waiting for me. Plus, because I always make a big batch, it also means leftovers for a few days – and leftovers are my favorite food.

   So today I decided that today it was Chili Enough for Chili – a nice big pot of it. It’s definitely a “dump a bunch of stuff” recipe – and even I can’t screw up chili. All day long it has been simmering away, the house smelling yummilicious – and even the dogs getting excited every time I go to check on it.

   Grab a sweater, pull out an extra blanket, and fire-up your crock pot – because winter is knocking at our doorstep. And if you’re in the mood for a bowl of chili, come on over – I made a ton.   

DAY 75 - EVERY LADY LOVES A GENTLEMAN

I was on a date the other night, and the man actually pulled out a chair for me. I can't remember the last time that happened – a chair pulled out for me. Typically doors, yes – especially on dates, and even sometimes in regular life. But it seems that as we “advance” and become “equals” that we've lost some of those beautiful gentlemanly qualities – once considered commonplace. Now, even on dates they are sometimes rarely seen.

   Maybe it’s my own fault, because I don’t expect it anymore. And I think that I don’t expect it because I have been in the workforce for so long, predominantly with men – and it’s so rarely seen in most everyday work environments. No one has ever stood when I entered or left a meeting, or stepped away from a conference table. And, admittedly, it would probably be scoffed at – even possibly “inappropriate” based on the Sexual Harassment sensitivity that most businesses teach anymore.

   And that is sad, and probably our own fault as women. With all of this Women's Equality, we’ve lost some things along the way too. Oh, I believe in equal-pay-for-equal-work, but I do not believe in “equality”. Equity, yes; equality, no. Men and women are different, and beautifully so – and I like and celebrate those differences. Have we, as women, put so much effort put into the movement for Feminism that we have lost some of our femininity in the process? And, sadly, why can't we have both?

   I have a dear friend from Europe, who is very much a Gentleman. He still opens doors, lets women walk first – all of those little details. We’ve been friends for years, and used to go to lunch or dinner together quite regularly – and even though we have never dated, he still always opened doors, etc., for me. We still get together once in a while, but he doesn’t open my car door anymore. It’s not that he is any less gentlemanly, but because it’s so rare here in the U.S. that he doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea about it. It is something that he now reserves to only do for his wife.

   I get that, I do. I understand about how we sometimes make choices because of other people’s perceptions. And I think it’s lovely that he still opens car doors for his wife. It just makes me sad that something that was commonplace here a generation ago – something as simple as all men opening all doors for all women – is now so infrequently seen today.

   I’ve talked to a few male friends about it. Most of them were raised to open doors and such. But most guys say that they hesitate to do it anymore publicly (and especially at work), because they have had women (typically on more than one occasion) express that they didn’t “need” their door opened – that they could do it themselves. Really? In all the thousands of times I’ve had a door opened for me, I never once thought he was doing it as a demeaning gesture or one that I couldn’t do for myself. I have always found it charming and a demonstration of good manners, and a kind and gentle gesture – and I always will.

   My dad ALWAYS opened the car door for my mom. And since Mom never drove a car, she rarely went anywhere without him. And now that I’m dating again, I do find that opening car doors is still mostly commonplace. Even when I was married, my car door was typically opened for me – oh, sometimes we’d be in a rush, and I’d just hop in the car. But I think it’s wonderful when a man demonstrates his appreciation for a woman by doing little things like that. And I do admit that I find it not only flattering when it happens on a date, but it does leave me with a better impression of the man. I mean, every woman wants to be treated like a lady.

   So, guys, still open doors for women. Pull out chairs. Let her enter or exit an elevator first. And, girls, allow him to do those things – and appreciate it when he does.

DAY 74 - THURSDAYS ARE MY NEW FRIDAYS

When I negotiated for my current contract, one of the things I asked for was a 4-day workweek. Since it’s an hour-commute each way every day, I just didn’t want to drive that far every day. Besides, since this is only a Temporary Contract I wanted to keep one day free for resumes and interviews. Fortunately they went for it. So now I get a 3-day weekend every.single.week. WAHOO!

   Most of today I completely forgot about it, and it was only when I was asked about scheduling a meeting for tomorrow and … “oh, I don’t work on Fridays”, followed by a bit of jealousy (ok, maybe more than a “bit”.)  And there are a couple of guys at this office that have it particularly rough -- because this is a 24/7 call center, and most of the managers end up working on rotating Saturdays. I not only never have to work Saturdays, but I don’t even have to work on Fridays.

   And apparently, the 4-day workweek is starting to gain in popularity. A number of years ago, Utah decided to shut down all State Offices on Fridays – in a cost-saving measure. Although it only lasted a few years, it was tremendously popular with employees – and a number of them didn’t want to switch back when the time came. Now that the Job Market is so much healthier, many companies are having to be more creative to draw in the best employees. A friend of mine works at Hill Air Force Base, and he works five 9-hour days – giving him every-other-Friday off. Also a very nice option, and apparently quite common at HAFB in Layton.

   Plus, the 4-day workweek is a benefit to the environment. If everyone implemented it, we could reduce commuter emissions by 20%. It also reduces electricity and lighting use, and eliminates janitorial needs by 20%. And, personally, it is saving me 20% of my cost in gas, since I commute to out near the Salt Lake Airport (from Provo) for this job.

   And it does give me one day each week for resumes, interviews, etc. I do have a phone interview tomorrow, and it was nice to have a day to schedule it – instead of trying to do it in my car on my lunch hour. (I’ve done that before, and it’s less than ideal.)

   There is also some down-side to the 4-day workweek: it makes for some really long days. I’m working 10-hour days, plus it takes me an hour to commute. So I typically leave the house at 6:30 a.m., and don’t get home until 6:30 p.m. That means that I leave in the dark and get home in the dark – especially since we just changed our clocks last week. And with my insomnia, getting up at 5:30 a.m. is rather a challenge for me.

   It’s also a bit of a challenge on my workweek social life. I had two dates this week, and both had to be rather late dinners because I work so late – but starting late also meant they went until later in the evening. And ending a date at 11 p.m. or midnight on a work night, well that makes the next morning a bit tough. Neither of the guys complained at the time, but in texts they next morning they both admitted to being a bit tired. (Although, apparently I’m worth it!) Guess I’ll just have to keep dating to being a weekend-only activity.

   Even with the pros and cons, I much prefer this 4-day workweek. It’s not quite the 3-day workweek of George Jetson fame, but it’s certainly a step in the right direction. Between working from home and 4-day workweeks, I’ve really had it pretty easy the past few months. And having worked in Corporate America for more than 30 years now, I do see some definite changes and improvements from throughout the years. Although a little bit of a hassle to haul around, it is also nice to be able to resolve a “work crisis” with just a laptop and a cellphone – which certainly makes it easier to be available “just-in-case” on those days when I’m not working. Personally, I think that is one of the reasons that employers are granting this type of flexibility – because even when you’re not physically in the office, you are always just a phone call away. And if that’s what it takes to be able to have a 3-day weekend each week, it is certainly a price I am more than willing to pay.

DAY 73 - SPAM and VIRUSES - I hate both kinds of both

Spam – when you hear the word, do you think of the so-called “meat” in a can, or the stuff that shows up in your inbox every day? And what about a Virus – the kind that makes you sick, or the kind that makes your computer sick (which makes you just sick)? Today I was dealing with both Spam and Viruses.

   First, the Spam – not the “meat” product (and no, I can’t just call it a meat product without the quote-marks – it simply doesn’t qualify). I made the mistake of making a comment on a controversial post in a Facebook Group that I belong to – and I have since had to delete over 300 email responses posted after me. With my bulging inbox, I determined to take the time to Unsubscribe from a number of email lists that I never even bother opening anymore, just to streamline my daily email deluge.

   Spam, as a kid – well there was only one kind, and it was in the EXACT same packaging that it’s in today. I remember my mom slicing it up and grilling it in her green cast-aluminum frying pan – and then scrambling the eggs in the drippings. We had it for dinner every couple of months or so, probably on one of the days when she had worked – because it made for an easy dinner, and it was one of Dad’s favorites (which is probably why I liked it too). And this summer, at the ProvoFarmer’s Market there was a fabulous Teriyaki Chicken Bowl place that made what I can only refer to as Spam Sushi – which was slices of ham, surrounded by white sticky rice, and wrapped in a sheet of seaweed. And it was amazingly good – and is apparently a delicacy in Hawaii.

   Then the Virus – the computer kind. Ugh! I’d rather have had a cold. But I downloaded some Freeware over the weekend (for a reputable program that I have used for years), but apparently this download now comes with all sorts of extra CRAP. For the past few days, every time I opened an internet window, there were popups and all sorts of “extras” – and I couldn’t uninstall them. And even my Virus Software was having trouble uninstalling it. Plus the whole thing was making my entire computer run slower, even when I wasn’t online. So I used my work laptop to do some research to find out how to fix my personal laptop. An annoying afternoon and 4-wasted-hours later, and it’s finally resolved. And there’s no way I’m going to ever download Audacity again – it’s a great program, but totally NOT worth the hassle. (Fortunately a computer-type Virus is the only virus I’m dealing with – knock wood!)

   We pick and/or make-up the oddest words in the English language. Until a few years ago, Spam only meant “meat” product – now it has stronger meaning in its email counterpart than the Hormel company could drum up in the past 80 years. And just the other day a friend posted that his daughter wanted to play that game – you know, where we all go outside and chase each other around? Hashtag! Ummmmm, close. Words like hashtag, selfie, social networking, gamification, and fracking all made it into the dictionary this year. Fracking? If I’d been caught “fracking” when I was a kid, I probably would have ended up grounded. Not that my parents would have had a clue what it was, but that it just didn’t sound that a good think to be doing.

   I love the English language. I love the use and beauty of words. And I guess I love that we can still create new ones. I mean, even in reading Shakespeare there are words that have very different meaning today than in the year 1600, like: bastard, which was a wine; dildo, which is a part of a song; topless, meaning nothing tops it (aka: without superior); kindle, when animals bear their young; gleek, which meant to scoff; leech, which is a physician [ok, I can see that one]; and teen, which did not describe a person of youth but a feeling of grief [maybe that’s where it comes from???]

   I frequently use newer words like: yummilicous, craptastic, cloogy, thingy, and my new favorite: caraoke – which is singing very loudly in the car. [Yes, some I make up, and some are gleaned from societal use.] Undoubtedly there will be more words in the future, and I’m quite sure that I will keep making up some of my own too. And although English Professors everywhere may hate the bastardization of language (having nothing to do with wine, in this case) – I love that our language is still alive, and growing and changing. It’s organic in nature, and morphing to meet the needs of society. So as long as our society continues to evolve, so shall the English language. I just hope that I can keep up.

DAY 72 - HAPPY SINGLES DAY - or Happy Anti-Valentine's Day

In Chinese culture, the day 11/11 is celebrated as China’s National Singles’ Day – for ‘1’ obvious reason. The whole purpose of today is for single people to get together and celebrate their single-ness with other singles – although sometimes instead of “celebrating” being single, there is a lamenting instead. It is sometimes also designated as Anti-Valentine’s Day – and many select 11/11 as the “last day I’m going to be single”, intending to find some ‘1’ to be with by that date. There are special breakfasts/brunches, karaoke parties, special Themed Greeting Cards, and it is now the largest Online Shopping Day in the world – even bigger than Cyber Monday. Because of the time difference, totals are already in and today’s online purchases were 60% bigger than last year and even bigger than expected.

   It all started back on this date in 1993 when a few university singles (in China) decided to celebrate being single – largely by buying themselves presents. Then in 2009, Alibaba (kindof like Amazon/eBay) really started pushing for internet sales and turning it into a cyber-shopping-fest. Today was over $9-billion in sales (yes, with a “B”) – which is really taking the concept of Retail Therapy to a whole new level. There are lots of flowers and balloon bouquets, lingerie and jewelry for themselves, electronics, and – well everything under the sun, and all people buying gifts for themselves. And Alibaba does offer significant savings today, to really motivate people to shop for themselves for Singles’ Day. Even Dealmoon, a Chinese-American e-commerce site, is trying to leverage the frenzy.

   Retail Therapy:  Hmmmm, sometimes I’m a shopper, and sometimes I’m not. Right now, I’m more of a “not” – I have everything I need, and then some. But I do understand the concept of Retail Therapy. There are very real brain chemicals that are triggered with the satisfaction of a purchase, which just drives more shopping. And I know a number of my single friends, male and female, that regularly partake in Retail Therapy – sometimes just to get out of the house and battle the solitude of living alone, and often just shopping to shop.

   In 2011, it was the Chinese “Singles Day of the Century” – 11/11/11. For me, that day was “have another fight with my ex” day – and that was the fight that led to him moving out for a temporary separation, that turned out to not be so temporary after all. Things hadn’t been great for a while – we were more roommates than spouses, and we’d lost the fun and passion of our earlier marriage. Most of our interactions were emotionless or angry, and I was feeling unappreciated and taken-for-granted. The separation was supposed to help us appreciate each other, but all it demonstrated was how much tension there had been when we lived together. As lonely as it was to be living all alone after he moved out, it was nice to know that I wasn’t coming home to a fight – there simply wasn’t anyone at home to fight with.

   I don’t know that I want to “celebrate” my singlehood, because it’s not so much a state that I’m happy about but rather more of “resigned to”, for now. Not that I’m going to bemoan my single-ness either – but that I don’t believe that we are made to be single. I don’t particularly like being single nor living alone, and there are times that I definitely feel lonely. And even with all of the advancements in the past 20 years, Singlehood hasn’t improved – nor has the LDS Church made any advancements in figuring out what to do with all us singles in a church very-specifically designed for families. It is sometimes very difficult to go to church, to sit there all alone in the chapel for Sacrament Meeting – surrounded by families. And go to Relief Society and talk about eternal families – when it is what I have always wanted, and what has always eluded me. Yeah, I know the whole “if not in this life, then in the next …” blah blah blah. That doesn’t make it easier. I was single until I was age 29, and it didn’t help then – and on my second-time-around it doesn’t help either.

   Honestly, I’m not angry or resentful. And I’m certainly not in any rush either. I don’t believe that just because I’m not married, well that doesn’t mean that I am “lacking” anything – ok, except maybe a spouse. (That was a joke!) But I don’t look at it as a lack of anything, just that Single is where I am now. I also believe that ‘1’ day that will change. ‘1’ day, some incredibly brilliant guy will come along and see what a “catch” I am, and . . . well, who knows. But I really do think that I’m pretty terrific. I’m not saying that to be boastful, and I’m not saying that I’m perfect (heck no) – but I am happy with who I am. And I’m happy with where I am in my life too – because although it’s been one helluva road to get here, I also realize that everything that has happened in my life has contributed to making me who I am today. And I wouldn’t change ‘1’ single part of my past, because it would change who I am – and, well, I really am pretty terrific.

   And I’m certainly not just sitting home bemoaning my single-tude and waiting for some Prince Charming to magically drop out of the sky and appear at my front door. I am very aware that is not the way life works. I’m really quite “out there” – meaning that I am actively engaged in Meeting People activities. I am quite active with Online Dating, and have gone out on quite a few dates with quite a few different guys this summer/fall. In fact, I probably have a busier Dating Life now than any other time in my life – and I’m allowing myself to enjoy this part of the journey too. And evenings when I am home alone, I find ways to enjoy the “quiet time” – using it to blog and work on my novel, play the piano, etc. I have no one demanding my time, talents, or finances – and can do whatever I want whenever I want. (With NaNoWriMo (link) this month, a number of my married friends are “jealous” of the free time my singlehood affords.)

   So, Happy Singles’ Day to all of us experiencing singlehood! Enjoy this phase of life, and do the things that you think will lead you to the next phase. It’s not easy – but it most certainly could be worse. If you think being single in the U.S. is tough, in China it is expected that there will be about 30-million more adult men than women by the year 2020. Hopefully I won’t still be single in 2020. And if I am, maybe I will move to China – Ni hao!