MY NEW PERSPECTIVE ON MOTHER’S DAY

When I was a little girl, my dad was always great at making sure that we made Mother’s Day something special for Mom. He would take me shopping for a special gift for Mother’s Day — and we always spent a long time finding just the right cards, one from him and one just from me. When I got into my 20s, I was too busy to do much for Mother’s Day — and somehow I justified that just showing up for Family Dinner on Mother’s Day was good enough. And in my early 30s I was married, and my mom and mother-in-law were great friends (since childhood) — so it was always special when we could all get together to celebrate these wonderful women in my life.

   By my mid-30s, not only had I lost my own mother but I was struggling with Infertility — and every Mother’s Day was a painful reminder of the void I felt in my life and in my heart. One woman (not knowing me well, or knowing that I was in the middle of Fertility Treatments) once said to me: “It’s too bad you chose to pursue a career, because I think would would have been a good mother.” I just couldn’t fathom that God would let Crack Addicts have children, but that God-given right was denied me. And in my 40s, all chances for Motherhood were behind me — and I had to face the fact that I would never have the blessing of bearing children in my lifetime. I quit going to church on Mother’s Day because it was just too heartwrenching a reminder.

   But now I’m in my 50s, and I think I’m in a new place. Oh, it’s still difficult to not have my own mother around. And I still feel the emptiness in my heart and in my home of being childless. But I am now able see the opportunities that I have been blessed with to be an influence in the lives of children around me — and to have had children enter my life that have touched my heart in ways that I could never have imagined.

   And just recently I am facing a new blessing in my life — that of searching for my biological mother that put me up for adoption at birth. Over the past few months, I have received my DNA results and started researching — and finding a very interesting story emerging. I am still at the very early stages, but I am beginning to understand why she put me up for adoption — and that is answering many questions that have plagued me my whole life. And more than ever, it has reminded me that Motherhood has little to do with who was in the Delivery Room on the day that you were born — genetically I am not related to my Mom, yet her heart and mine are forever intertwined. Yes, Mother is a noun, but it is also a verb — and I believe that Mother’s Day is also to honor those who have shown us the God–like love that Motherhood embodies. 

   Because in it’s truest sense, Motherhood doesn’t have anything to do with Biology. Motherhood is a choice. My biological mother made the choice to put me up for adoption, and that choice started my life on this beautiful path — and I honor her choice as a tender and loving mercy. My Mom made the choice to open her heart to a child not born to her, and it was her choice to shower me with love and maybe even cherish me more because Heavenly Father put so many miracles in place to get me to my family. My big sister made the choice to not only be a mini-mom to me when I was little, but after giving birth to and raising 5 amazing children — she also made the choice to adopt 3 children, siblings from Russia, and include these wonderful new members to our very-uniquely-created family. And the choices of all these women have blessed my life in ways that I can only barely fathom. 

   So this year it is my choice to go to church on Mother’s Day and honor the many ways that Motherhood can be shared. And it my choice to honor all of the amazing women in my life that have shown Motherhood to me and touched my heart and shaped my life. And it is my choice to find opportunities to demonstrate Motherhood to the children that God chooses to have cross my path — in ways both big and small. And to all the women in the world who have hearts that demonstrate Christlike love to God’s children — which is the very essence of Motherhood — I wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day.