In Chinese culture, the day 11/11 is celebrated as China’s
National Singles’ Day – for ‘1’ obvious reason. The whole purpose of today is
for single people to get together and celebrate their single-ness with other
singles – although sometimes instead of “celebrating” being single, there is a
lamenting instead. It is sometimes also designated as Anti-Valentine’s Day –
and many select 11/11 as the “last day I’m going to be single”, intending to
find some ‘1’ to be with by that date. There are special breakfasts/brunches,
karaoke parties, special Themed Greeting Cards, and it is now the largest
Online Shopping Day in the world – even bigger than Cyber Monday. Because of
the time difference, totals are already in and today’s online purchases were
60% bigger than last year and even bigger than expected.
It all started back
on this date in 1993 when a few university singles (in China) decided to
celebrate being single – largely by buying themselves presents. Then in 2009,
Alibaba (kindof like Amazon/eBay) really started pushing for internet sales and
turning it into a cyber-shopping-fest. Today was over $9-billion in sales (yes,
with a “B”) – which is really taking the concept of Retail Therapy to a whole
new level. There are lots of flowers and balloon bouquets, lingerie and jewelry
for themselves, electronics, and – well everything under the sun, and all
people buying gifts for themselves. And Alibaba does offer significant savings
today, to really motivate people to shop for themselves for Singles’ Day. Even
Dealmoon, a Chinese-American e-commerce site, is trying to leverage the frenzy.
Retail
Therapy: Hmmmm, sometimes I’m a shopper,
and sometimes I’m not. Right now, I’m more of a “not” – I have everything I
need, and then some. But I do understand the concept of Retail Therapy. There
are very real brain chemicals that are triggered with the satisfaction of a
purchase, which just drives more shopping. And I know a number of my single
friends, male and female, that regularly partake in Retail Therapy – sometimes
just to get out of the house and battle the solitude of living alone, and often
just shopping to shop.
In 2011, it was the
Chinese “Singles Day of the Century” – 11/11/11. For me, that day was “have
another fight with my ex” day – and that was the fight that led to him moving
out for a temporary separation, that turned out to not be so temporary after
all. Things hadn’t been great for a while – we were more roommates than
spouses, and we’d lost the fun and passion of our earlier marriage. Most of our
interactions were emotionless or angry, and I was feeling unappreciated and
taken-for-granted. The separation was supposed to help us appreciate each
other, but all it demonstrated was how much tension there had been when we
lived together. As lonely as it was to be living all alone after he moved out,
it was nice to know that I wasn’t coming home to a fight – there simply wasn’t
anyone at home to fight with.
I don’t know that I
want to “celebrate” my singlehood, because it’s not so much a state that I’m
happy about but rather more of “resigned to”, for now. Not that I’m going to
bemoan my single-ness either – but that I don’t believe that we are made to be
single. I don’t particularly like being single nor living alone, and there are
times that I definitely feel lonely. And even with all of the advancements in
the past 20 years, Singlehood hasn’t improved – nor has the LDS Church made any
advancements in figuring out what to do with all us singles in a church
very-specifically designed for families. It is sometimes very difficult to go
to church, to sit there all alone in the chapel for Sacrament Meeting –
surrounded by families. And go to Relief Society and talk about eternal
families – when it is what I have always wanted, and what has always eluded me.
Yeah, I know the whole “if not in this life, then in the next …” blah blah
blah. That doesn’t make it easier. I was single until I was age 29, and it
didn’t help then – and on my second-time-around it doesn’t help either.
Honestly, I’m not
angry or resentful. And I’m certainly not in any rush either. I don’t believe
that just because I’m not married, well that doesn’t mean that I am “lacking”
anything – ok, except maybe a spouse. (That was a joke!) But I don’t look at it
as a lack of anything, just that Single is where I am now. I also believe that
‘1’ day that will change. ‘1’ day, some incredibly brilliant guy will come
along and see what a “catch” I am, and . . . well, who knows. But I really do
think that I’m pretty terrific. I’m not saying that to be boastful, and I’m not
saying that I’m perfect (heck no) – but I am happy with who I am. And I’m happy
with where I am in my life too – because although it’s been one helluva road to
get here, I also realize that everything that has happened in my life has
contributed to making me who I am today. And I wouldn’t change ‘1’ single part
of my past, because it would change who I am – and, well, I really am pretty
terrific.
And I’m certainly
not just sitting home bemoaning my single-tude and waiting for some Prince
Charming to magically drop out of the sky and appear at my front door. I am
very aware that is not the way life works. I’m really quite “out there” –
meaning that I am actively engaged in Meeting People activities. I am quite
active with Online Dating, and have gone out on quite a few dates with quite a
few different guys this summer/fall. In fact, I probably have a busier Dating
Life now than any other time in my life – and I’m allowing myself to enjoy this
part of the journey too. And evenings when I am home alone, I find ways to
enjoy the “quiet time” – using it to blog and work on my novel, play the piano,
etc. I have no one demanding my time, talents, or finances – and can do
whatever I want whenever I want. (With NaNoWriMo (link) this month, a number of
my married friends are “jealous” of the free time my singlehood affords.)
So, Happy Singles’
Day to all of us experiencing singlehood! Enjoy this phase of life, and do the
things that you think will lead you to the next phase. It’s not easy – but it
most certainly could be worse. If you think being single in the U.S. is tough,
in China it is expected that there will be about 30-million more adult men than
women by the year 2020. Hopefully I won’t still be single in 2020. And if I am,
maybe I will move to China – Ni hao!
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