Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Literally.

OK, I know that’s true for everyone every day, but for me it’s truer than usual. You see, yesterday I was in Court taking the final step in a very long and painful journey. Just before Thanksgiving, my husband of 17 years moved out. Then, after much crying and praying and more crying, I realized that Divorce was the best decision – for a lot of reasons. I can honestly say that I tried ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I could think of to try to make it work, but I just couldn’t fix it. I don’t feel like I gave up, but just realized that it was over – and probably had been over for a while.

I’ve always thought that those people that hated their ex just didn’t make sense to me. How could you go from such love to such hate? I guess I kindof understand it now. Not that I hate him, because I don’t. And I hope that I don’t ever hate him. But I hate that we couldn’t make it work. I hate that all of our dreams are gone. I hate that I loved and trusted him, and now that’s gone.

So, yesterday I was in Court. Not for the divorce – that was finalized a few weeks ago. Yesterday I was in Court for a Protective Order (really long really horrible story, for another day). After 17 years of ups and down, of good times and bad, now we can’t even talk on the phone. He can’t come to the house or to my office. Tuesday was his birthday and I couldn’t even call to wish him a “Happy Birthday.”

I’m sad (OK, heartbroken) that the marriage is over and ended so badly, but I am going to find a way to move forward with my life and find the happiness that I want and deserve. Not that I’m happy about the divorce, just relieved that the drama of it is finally over. Today I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from off my shoulders. I am looking to the future with optimism and hope. And HOPE is an amazing thing to have in your life.

I am grateful for the love and support of family and friends these past few months. I have been quite a train-wreck (and having surgery in the middle of all this didn’t help), but I can truly say that I feel that the worst of it is over. A friend said to me that the light at the end of this tunnel must really be pretty terrific with everything I’ve been going through, and today I really believe that. I feel that I am standing in the light. I still have my whole wonderful life ahead of me, and I am going to get out there and really live it.

Yes, today is a new day. And today is the first day of the rest of my life.

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” – Bob Moawad