I’ve had so much going on in my life the past few months that I feel like I’ve been running a marathon. Fortunately things have started settling down considerably, and I feel like I’m getting my feet back under me.
The other day I ran into a friend and we were talking about our hectic lives, and saying how nice a little Boredom would be. Then last night I actually got a little time to just enjoy Boredom. No meetings, no deadlines, nothing but an unimpeded evening. I grabbed the leash and Puppy and I headed out the door at sunset. An hour later we had walked a few miles, and I had listened to some of my favorite music on my iPod. When I got home I had another hour to read a book – yes, a REAL book!
Sure, I still have things creeping in on me from my past, and admittedly I have quite a few things ahead of me that I still need to work on. But I just decided to give myself the quietude of the moment to just enjoy. I’ve been so frustrated with the past and so worried about the future that I forgot all about Today. So today I took time for today – and it was wonderful!
“One day at a time is enough. Don’t look back and grieve the past, it’s gone. Don’t be troubled about the future, it has not come yet. Live in the present and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 27, 2012
Forgive One Person
At the beginning of the year Oprah.com published a list of Weekly Resolutions for 2012: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Weekly-Resolutions-for-2012 The goal for this past week was “Forgive one person.” WOW – the universe knows where you are at and what you need to do, doesn’t it?!?!? So, I decided to pick my ex-husband to forgive.
That’s tougher than it sounds, because the divorce is only a few weeks old, and – well, the last time I saw him was in Court last week for a Protective Order, so it obviously didn’t end well. There were a lot of hurt feelings, and I have some pretty good reasons that justify my actions. After 17 years together, there were lots of great times – but there were some pretty crappy things along the way too.
But none of that matters. The hurt and anger is only hurting me. After reading The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball, I understand why it talks about making a “clean-cut break” – because that’s the only way to leave the pain behind too. Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person, it’s something you do for yourself – to heal.
Last week a friend shared a story with me about a man she knows whose wife cheated, and he forgave her – and about how hard that has been for everyone around them to understand. I think it was great of him to forgive her and stay together for their kids. But as I’ve thought about it, I’ve realized that forgiving her isn’t something he did for her – it’s something he did for himself. To not forgive is to choose to live in anger and pain, but to forgive is to let go of the anger and pain and allow love back into your heart. Oh, sure – it’s certainly harder than it sounds, but I do believe that having faith that you will heal and having hope for a brighter future makes it worth it all.
On my Kitchen wall I have this quote: “Forgive what has hurt you in the past, but don’t forget what it taught you.”
So I choose to forgive him, remember the good times that we shared, and look forward with a pocketful of valuable lessons that will help me in my future.
That’s tougher than it sounds, because the divorce is only a few weeks old, and – well, the last time I saw him was in Court last week for a Protective Order, so it obviously didn’t end well. There were a lot of hurt feelings, and I have some pretty good reasons that justify my actions. After 17 years together, there were lots of great times – but there were some pretty crappy things along the way too.
But none of that matters. The hurt and anger is only hurting me. After reading The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W. Kimball, I understand why it talks about making a “clean-cut break” – because that’s the only way to leave the pain behind too. Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person, it’s something you do for yourself – to heal.
Last week a friend shared a story with me about a man she knows whose wife cheated, and he forgave her – and about how hard that has been for everyone around them to understand. I think it was great of him to forgive her and stay together for their kids. But as I’ve thought about it, I’ve realized that forgiving her isn’t something he did for her – it’s something he did for himself. To not forgive is to choose to live in anger and pain, but to forgive is to let go of the anger and pain and allow love back into your heart. Oh, sure – it’s certainly harder than it sounds, but I do believe that having faith that you will heal and having hope for a brighter future makes it worth it all.
On my Kitchen wall I have this quote: “Forgive what has hurt you in the past, but don’t forget what it taught you.”
So I choose to forgive him, remember the good times that we shared, and look forward with a pocketful of valuable lessons that will help me in my future.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Brings a Lump to my Throat
This past week was another wonderful opportunity at a Swearing-In Ceremony for new U.S. Citizens here in Utah. One of my friends was there for her mother, and shared this video of Alex Boye singing the National Anthem. Alex Boye is a marvelous singer, not only a soloist in his own right, but also a member of and soloist for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
The whole thing was videotaped and posted to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsPKM9ixW_w
At the beginning of this clip, he says that he has sung the National Anthem over 100 times. And then he chokes up as he says that the next time he sings it he will be an American U.S. Citizen – so the judge invites him to the front to sing it for the whole group.
How grateful I am for being a U.S. Citizen. How grateful I am for being born here, and for the tremendous freedoms that being American affords. How grateful I am for the brave men and women who defend this country and my freedoms every day. Unfortunately, I have had to use our legal system and law enforcement recently – but how grateful I am to have had those protections.
In 1916 my grandmother was abandoned by her husband. At the time women didn’t even have the right to vote (Women got the vote in 1920). She couldn’t find a job, so she had to take her 4 young children and move back in with her parents. Eventually her parents made her marry her brother-in-law who had been recently widowed. She had no rights, no education, no work experience – she was dependent upon others to care for her and her children.
How amazingly grateful I am that I have rights. How grateful I am for an awesome job and great bosses. How blessed I am that I can stay in my home, and have the support of wonderful neighbors. How much I cherish my religious freedoms.
I’m certain that the National Anthem will never be the same for Alex Boye. And I hope that it will always bring a lump to my throat as it did today.
The whole thing was videotaped and posted to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsPKM9ixW_w
At the beginning of this clip, he says that he has sung the National Anthem over 100 times. And then he chokes up as he says that the next time he sings it he will be an American U.S. Citizen – so the judge invites him to the front to sing it for the whole group.
How grateful I am for being a U.S. Citizen. How grateful I am for being born here, and for the tremendous freedoms that being American affords. How grateful I am for the brave men and women who defend this country and my freedoms every day. Unfortunately, I have had to use our legal system and law enforcement recently – but how grateful I am to have had those protections.
In 1916 my grandmother was abandoned by her husband. At the time women didn’t even have the right to vote (Women got the vote in 1920). She couldn’t find a job, so she had to take her 4 young children and move back in with her parents. Eventually her parents made her marry her brother-in-law who had been recently widowed. She had no rights, no education, no work experience – she was dependent upon others to care for her and her children.
How amazingly grateful I am that I have rights. How grateful I am for an awesome job and great bosses. How blessed I am that I can stay in my home, and have the support of wonderful neighbors. How much I cherish my religious freedoms.
I’m certain that the National Anthem will never be the same for Alex Boye. And I hope that it will always bring a lump to my throat as it did today.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Literally.
OK, I know that’s true for everyone every day, but for me it’s truer than usual. You see, yesterday I was in Court taking the final step in a very long and painful journey. Just before Thanksgiving, my husband of 17 years moved out. Then, after much crying and praying and more crying, I realized that Divorce was the best decision – for a lot of reasons. I can honestly say that I tried ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING I could think of to try to make it work, but I just couldn’t fix it. I don’t feel like I gave up, but just realized that it was over – and probably had been over for a while.
I’ve always thought that those people that hated their ex just didn’t make sense to me. How could you go from such love to such hate? I guess I kindof understand it now. Not that I hate him, because I don’t. And I hope that I don’t ever hate him. But I hate that we couldn’t make it work. I hate that all of our dreams are gone. I hate that I loved and trusted him, and now that’s gone.
So, yesterday I was in Court. Not for the divorce – that was finalized a few weeks ago. Yesterday I was in Court for a Protective Order (really long really horrible story, for another day). After 17 years of ups and down, of good times and bad, now we can’t even talk on the phone. He can’t come to the house or to my office. Tuesday was his birthday and I couldn’t even call to wish him a “Happy Birthday.”
I’m sad (OK, heartbroken) that the marriage is over and ended so badly, but I am going to find a way to move forward with my life and find the happiness that I want and deserve. Not that I’m happy about the divorce, just relieved that the drama of it is finally over. Today I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from off my shoulders. I am looking to the future with optimism and hope. And HOPE is an amazing thing to have in your life.
I am grateful for the love and support of family and friends these past few months. I have been quite a train-wreck (and having surgery in the middle of all this didn’t help), but I can truly say that I feel that the worst of it is over. A friend said to me that the light at the end of this tunnel must really be pretty terrific with everything I’ve been going through, and today I really believe that. I feel that I am standing in the light. I still have my whole wonderful life ahead of me, and I am going to get out there and really live it.
Yes, today is a new day. And today is the first day of the rest of my life.
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” – Bob Moawad
I’ve always thought that those people that hated their ex just didn’t make sense to me. How could you go from such love to such hate? I guess I kindof understand it now. Not that I hate him, because I don’t. And I hope that I don’t ever hate him. But I hate that we couldn’t make it work. I hate that all of our dreams are gone. I hate that I loved and trusted him, and now that’s gone.
So, yesterday I was in Court. Not for the divorce – that was finalized a few weeks ago. Yesterday I was in Court for a Protective Order (really long really horrible story, for another day). After 17 years of ups and down, of good times and bad, now we can’t even talk on the phone. He can’t come to the house or to my office. Tuesday was his birthday and I couldn’t even call to wish him a “Happy Birthday.”
I’m sad (OK, heartbroken) that the marriage is over and ended so badly, but I am going to find a way to move forward with my life and find the happiness that I want and deserve. Not that I’m happy about the divorce, just relieved that the drama of it is finally over. Today I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from off my shoulders. I am looking to the future with optimism and hope. And HOPE is an amazing thing to have in your life.
I am grateful for the love and support of family and friends these past few months. I have been quite a train-wreck (and having surgery in the middle of all this didn’t help), but I can truly say that I feel that the worst of it is over. A friend said to me that the light at the end of this tunnel must really be pretty terrific with everything I’ve been going through, and today I really believe that. I feel that I am standing in the light. I still have my whole wonderful life ahead of me, and I am going to get out there and really live it.
Yes, today is a new day. And today is the first day of the rest of my life.
“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” – Bob Moawad
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