NaNoWriMo - Mission Accomplished

On November 1st I set a goal to do NaNoWriMo, NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth – which was to work on a novel by writing 50,000 words by November 30th. Well, it’s November 30th, and I did it – I wrote 54,070 words, and it feels great!

   Not that it's been easy. I stated off the month really strong with 10,000 words by the end of Day 3 – and for the next few days kept going strong. But after the first week I started to get busy, I started working again, I found a million other things pulling away my attention – and as the month progressed I got farther and farther behind.

   Then, as I headed into this 4-day weekend for Thanksgiving, I reassessed the situation. When I got to work last Wednesday I checked my Word Count and was at 34,221. Not bad, but 15,000 words in 4 days, although tough, did seem do-able. As I left work on Wednesday for the holiday, I decided that I would just chain myself to my laptop all weekend and try to catch up.

   I had a bit of a drive to and from Family for Thanksgiving, so I used that time to ruminate on my story – develop a few parts of it a bit better, because it’s always easier to sit down to write when you have a few ideas ready to go. I jotted down a few notes, but really didn’t get much writing in on Wednesday or Thursday, because I wanted to spend the time with Family.

   So Friday I headed to Village Inn for “Breakfast” – or at least that was my excuse. I decided that if I stayed home, despite living alone, that I would get distracted by a sink of dirty dishes, laundry, and a million other things. No, I needed to go somewhere – somewhere I couldn’t really do anything but write. Besides, I was out of groceries and a nice omelet seemed the perfect motivation to start a day of writing. 4 hours later, with a nearly-dead laptop battery I had cranked out another 6,000 words. That put me over 40,000 words, and with 2 days to go I knew I could achieve this goal. I ran a few much-needed errands, recharged my batteries – both personally and my laptop, then Friday evening another few hours got me another few thousand words.

   Reinvigorated but tired, I slept-in on Saturday, and then again headed out to write – this time down to Malawi’s in Riverwoods for Small Business Saturday and lunch. Besides, bottomless fountain drinks always help. Another 4 hours, another dead battery, and goal achieved. [And, yes, I am pretty proud of myself!]

   I think that's how goals typically work: start strong, things get rough or boring and I start to lose steam. But with a deadline approaching and seeing that completion is within reach - well, it gives me that extra 'umph' to try. Which sometimes, just sometimes, leads to triumph.

   After 7 years at Franklin Covey, I did learn quite a few things that I continue to use even 15 years later. I do believe in setting SMART goals – and I don't just mean intelligent, but S.M.A.R.T.

• S – Specific – State EXACTLY what you want to achieve (Who, What, Where, Why)
• M – Measurable – How will you know you’ve achieved it?
• A – Achievable – Is it something you can realistically accomplish with the time and resources available?
• R – Relevant – Is it really important to you?
• T – Time-sensitive – Give yourself enough time, but always set a deadline.

   It doesn't always work, but lately I've done pretty good on my goals. I set an 83-day goal, and although I didn’t originally intend to blog every day, I did – and it felt great. As I’ve been job hunting the past few months, I set a goal to send out 100 resumes each week – and before I got this Temporary Contract, I was sticking to it; and even with working, I still spend a few hours every week sending out resumes. And now success on my goal with NaNoWriMo. My novel may not be done, but I'm 54,070 words closer to completion.

   So set your goals - because life is what you make of it. There are many areas of my life that aren’t going quite according to plan – but many of those are well-outside my circle of influence. But for those areas that I can influence and direct, I am really trying to. It does no good to just sit around and complain about life, because complaining about it doesn’t change it. So I choose to take action and make the changes that I want. It doesn’t always work, but when it does my life is better – and that’s really what life is all about anyway: Living the best life that you can, and moving a little forward today from where you were yesterday.

DAY 83 – THE END OF THE JOURNEY is merely the beginning of a new one

So, today is “officially” the last day of this 83-day Journey. But this is certainly not the end. If anything, one of the lessons that I have learned is that there is always tomorrow – and my future can be anything I choose for it to be.

   Although I won’t be blogging every.single.day anymore, I will definitely be blogging. It has been a great thing for me, and I have received some wonderful and loving feedback from it – for which I am very grateful. My whole life I have always wanted to be a writer, and along this journey I believe I have become one – at least the start of one. And that has been a life-long dream come true.
   The purpose of this 83-day Journey was to Fall in Love with Myself - and I can truthfully say that I have accomplished that goal. I have fallen in love with who I am and where I am in my life. I have fallen in love with the choices I have made and the choices I make every day. I have fallen in love with an amazing future. I have fallen in love with the blessings I have in my life - which includes amazing people and fabulous opportunities. I have fallen in love not only with life, but specifically with MY life.

   I started this journey in an effort to heal from the pain of a broken heart. There is still pain there – because love lost is a thing of pain, and cruelty intentionally inflicted definitely leaves scars. But I choose to not let bitterness nor hopelessness consume me – which would be so easy to do. Instead I choose to focus on the parts of my life that bring me the happiness to continue to move forward in faith.

   Because although my past is what makes me the person that I am today, my entire future lies untouched before me at my feet. And that future can be anything I choose to make of it. And that choice is mine to make, and mine alone.

   One bad day doesn’t make a bad life. And even when life is pretty rough in-the-Now, that doesn’t have to be a permanent state. I chose to step into the light – and that is where I choose to spend the remainder of my days.

   Because the glass is either half empty or half full. Around each of us every day is both light and darkness, good and bad, trials and opportunities, and as many blessings as we choose to see. So I choose to see a life filled with opportunities and blessings – and an overflowing wealth of love. And because that is what I choose to see, I am blessed with an abundance in my life far greater than I can even begin to express. And the more blessings I choose to acknowledge and receive into my life, the more I continue to receive.

   Earlier this year, a friend said to me: “With all of the pain and struggle that you are going through, the light at the end of your tunnel is going to be amazing.” At the time it wasn’t what I wanted to hear, but today I can see the wisdom of her words. Because I do have a bright future, and I refuse to let those people in my past that didn’t appreciate me and who tried to tear me down continue to have any control over me. Their failure to follow their dreams and create a better future certainly doesn’t mean that I have to follow their poor examples. Because there will always be people in your life that want to tear your down and hold you back – because they live in fear, and don’t want you to move forward ahead of them.

   But I am moving forward, and I am in a far better place than I have ever been. I have been interviewing with some of the best companies in the country – including Apple, Nike, Verizon, and the Army (as a civilian). I have met some fabulous men and been on some terrific dates – and am literally having the time of my life. I am in a good place financially, am moving forward toward my life-long dream of being a Writer (with both this blog and the novel I am currently writing), am starting a small home-based business on the side (as a hobby), and working toward a dozen other goals.

   My future is mine to make of it what I will. And I will not make excuses. I will not delay happiness. I will not live my life in fear. I will surround myself with wonderful people. I will take risks and make leaps of faith when new opportunities are before me. I will follow my heart and live a life of passion, because doing anything less is not being true to myself.

   So although this is the end of the 83-day Journey, it is nothing close to the end of MY journey. Tomorrow I begin another 83-day Journey, and another after that, and another. Because the entire rest of my life is a Journey – and a journey I can begin each and every day.

   This ending is really just another beginning – as each new day is. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for the love and support. And if you choose, continue along the rest of this Journey of Life with me – I promise that it will be anything but boring.

DAY 82 - THE PAST 82 DAYS, and where this journey has taken me

As I look back on the past 82 days, I see the fabulous journey that I have been able to take. Along the journey I have renewed old friendships, made new friendships, and started some new parts of my life. Part of this journey has been remembering the people and blessings in my past. Part of this journey has been looking for a new job. Part of this journey is dating new people and starting new relationships.

   And as the saying goes, “it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.” I have very much approached this next phase of my life with this viewpoint. I could complain and get depressed about all the things that have happened to me – but that's not who I want to be. I am a happy and positive person, and I want to live a happy and positive life.

   So that is what I choose to do – because it is definitely a choice. I may have been the victim of some very bad choices that others chose to make, but I cannot change the past nor take away their free agency. But that is also all in my past, and although it has shaped my life and contributed to the person I am today – my entire future is still ahead of me.

   For the past 82 days I have reflected on my life and the people, experiences, and lessons that I have learned. And I do think it is good to review the past – for “those that do not learn from the past are destined to repeat it.” And heaven knows I do not want to repeat some of these experiences. I choose to learn from them. And I choose to move on.

   I honestly thought that this 83 days would be about all of the hurt and devastation of this past year. I thought it would be about the wrongs done to me and the cruelty unfairly thrust on me.

   But this Journey didn’t take that route – and I’m glad. Although I don’t regret the choices I made, I have made the choice to learn the lessons that are there for me to learn – and to look for the good in the world and in my life. This Journey has taken me to friends old and new, and recollections of the amazing people that I have been blessed to have in my life.

   I took the time this evening to read back through the past 82 blogposts, I can remember every single step along the way. The touching memories, the joy and laughter, the lessons learned. I have been reflective, and it has brought a richness into my life. I have taken the time to stop and smell the roses, and because I have I feel that my future will be even brighter.

   Because although my life hasn’t turned out anything like the way I planned it, I do have a fabulous life. I am blessed beyond measure, and I am filled with gratitude. And every single step of my past has contributed to the person I am today – and I think that the person I am today is pretty terrific.

   Beyond the 82 blogposts that I have shared, are hundreds more memories that I have recollected – and thousands more to come. And that has been such a joy along this Journey – and a fabulous gift that I bring from my past into my future.

   Tomorrow is the last day of this 83-day Journey, and tomorrow I will look forward. But for tonight I will remember. I will remember the people. I will remember the places. I will remember the experiences. And mostly, I will remember the love. Because love is really what it is all about – our past, our present, and our future. And I am blessed with a life filled with people that love me, and a heart that is overflowing with love. 

DAY 59 - MY BUCKET LIST

One of the things I’ve been wanting to do for the past few years is go back to Oakland to visit. But it seemed like there was always some reason I couldn’t – no time, no money, etc. It was one of those Bucket List items that I’d written down, but wasn’t sure how to make it happen. Then the universe created a way for it to happen – and last week in Oakland was just what I needed.

   Two months ago, as I sat down and started working on this 83-day Journey, I wrote down a few ideas – just thoughts really. Calling it a “plan” might be too lofty for the few notions I jotted down … but on the plan I wrote down a few goals that I want to work on:  Family, Friends, Romance, Career, etc. There are a million things I want to do with my life, and the best way to do them is to start with a plan.

   I think “Bucket List” is really the best way to describe it. Things I want to do. Things I want to accomplish. Some things are fun “Quick Hits” (like this trip to Oakland) – and others will take time. But that’s OK, I have my whole life still ahead of me – and a year from now I will be a year older anyway, no matter what I do (or don’t do).

   And it’s not like I’m starting at Zero. I’ve had a terrific life and done some pretty fabulous things so far. I’ve already got checkmarks next to some pretty great Bucket List items. I fancy myself a fairly accomplished pianist. I’ve driven a Formula One racecar on a Nascar track. I even met a few of my idols including legendary baseball coach Billy Martin, and my professional idol Zig Ziglar. And I’ve been to some pretty fabulous places, including Mexico, Haiti, Jamaica, Bahamas, Japan, and most of the United States.

   This summer specifically, with my crazy travel schedule for work, I really made an effort to knock a bunch more items off my Bucket List. I drove the Florida Keys in a convertible and went to Key West. I held an alligator (a couple of times). I went to the Nauvoo Pageants (both of them). I went to the Football Hall of Fame, the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame, Biosphere 2, the Andy Warhol Museum. And I did it all because I knew that I wouldn’t be back to some of those places ever again, and I didn’t want to let an opportunity slip by. I didn’t want to regret missing any of it.

Yes, that really is me up there
in Cannon's Balloon - July 2012

   And today I updated my Bucket List. I reviewed the list and remembered some of the fabulous things I’ve already been able to do in this life – and I added a few things too. Some fun, some meaningful, some just take a few phone calls and a VISA card, some may take years to accomplish. But I am working on them NOW. I’m not waiting until … because that “something” never comes. Today is here right now – and there truly is no time like the present.

   Because I don’t want to live a life of Regrets. At the end of my days, I want to reflect on a (hopefully) very long life and an even longer list of accomplishments. I want to say “I remember when I did …” and not say “What if ….” Not that my life has been perfect – far from it – but I “own” everything I’ve done and every decision I’ve made. And I wouldn’t trade any moment of it – because everything that I have done has made me who I am. And I like who I am. And I like where I am in my life. And changing even one second of my past would unravel it all.

DAY 46 - HALFWAY THERE

Well without even realizing it, I am halfway through this 83-day Journey. Late last night I sat down and read through all of my blogposts so far. And I have to admit – this hasn’t exactly gone the direction I had expected.  I really thought that I would write all about my heartache and all the brokenness I felt inside. But, although I have mentioned some of it, it hasn’t been the entire focus of every blogpost – and I’m glad for that. I am a happy person, and for the most part I have blogged about the happiness in my life.

   I will admit that there are some topics that have just been too painful to write. Things that are still too raw. Pain that still cuts too deep to yet face. And I really don’t think that I’m just avoiding it as much as giving myself permission to handle things when I’m ready to handle them. There will still be a few topics – maybe during this second-half of the 83-day Journey, some maybe even later – that I will tackle to be able to move beyond them. But I am also noticing that some things have dissipated with the simple passage of time – not that they didn’t hurt and don’t sometimes still cause twinges, but that through the way I choose to live my life I have met people and gained strengths by which I can handle them better.

   But it is also true that some of the pain and hurtfulness are still too overwhelming to face. So I keep them carefully tucked away in a corner until I can better deal with them. It is sadly true that those we love the most also have the ability to hurt us the deepest. And although I thought that divorce was excruciating, I have learned that the betrayal of an affair is even worse.

   So I will continue to move forward with this Journey. I will try each day to do something that moves my life forward in a meaningful way. And I will review at the end of each day to learn the lessons that I need to learn – and to share them with you.

   Thanks for coming along with me on this Journey. It’s a different road than I expected, and I’m still not sure where (or even if) it will end – but as the saying goes:  It’s all about the Journey.

DAY 43 - WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE?

Today a handful of us got together to celebrate a Birthday Lunch of our dear friend, Jan Billings. Jan is an adorable dynamo, and in her 80+ years has lived a lot of life and gathered a lot of friends. It was fun to get together just to visit for an hour and enjoy our friendships. And last night there was an Open House for my neighbor (just home from a mission), and again, a great gathering of friends – just to visit and catch up.

   Sure, there are some friends that I see fairly regularly, and some that I see occasionally, and some sadly that I see all too infrequently. And it’s because I feel like I need an “excuse” to get together with people. That’s one reason why I do my Big Birthday Bash every year – not because I think my birthday is a big deal, but that it’s ideally timed in early June (right after school gets out but before Summer Vacations really get underway). And mostly because it’s a great excuse to have a party and get together to see friends.

   A friend, Jodie Naranjo, stopped by Saturday Afternoon – because she knew I was having a Garage Sale and she happened to be in the area. I haven’t see Jodie in about a year, despite the fact that we worked together for over 8 years, and there’s a great mutual respect there. Let me just tell you – Jodie is one of the coolest people I know. She’s funny as heck, incredibly smart, has one of the biggest hearts of anyone I know, and is just great to hang out with. So why don’t I hang out with her more? Because I don’t have a good “excuse” to hang out with her – which is silly, and something I am going to make an effort to change.

   I do that a lot – and I think most of us do. We need an “excuse” to do certain things with certain people. Why??? For me I guess I always felt like I wasn’t “cool” enough or that no one would want to hang out with me unless there was a good excuse. (Obviously left over effects of the Abandonment issues I’m still battling.)

   And that is one of the things I’m going to address on this 83-day Journey: to celebrate the friendships with which I have been so richly blessed. I’ve gotten better about celebrating the great things & events in my life – and now I want to celebrate the relationships that I have. Because I truly believe that this life is all about the way that we treat each other in this world and the relationships that we make that will carry beyond this world.

   Being single, I spend far too much time alone and often have evenings when I wish there was someone to hang out with – heck, just to be with. And I’m really sure I’m not alone in feeling alone.

   Wanna hang out? We don’t need an excuse.

DAY 30 - WHERE DID ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?

Although I started this for myself, I’m surprised at how many people are reading my blog: over 3500 in the past month, and 8000+ ever. When I look at Facebook I’ll see a post that has maybe a dozen “Likes” and maybe a comment or two – and then go look at the Stats on my blog and see that over 200 people have read it.

   Don’t get me wrong – I am incredibly flattered. I started this 83-day Journey for myself, but between the Comments, Facebook Messages, and personal conversations I am learning that there are quite a few people out there that are silently reading it. And from a few of the messages I’ve received, it’s helping others too.

   As a kid, I used to press my ear against my bedroom wall – and early mornings and late nights I could hear the tap-tap-tap of my father typing in the Kitchen. Dad was always a writer. Born into a newspaper family, he grew up with ink in his blood – and watched his father and grandfather work at getting the paper out together every day. When he was age 23, Dad bought out his grandfather’s share of the Preston Citizen – and was the youngest newspaper owner in Idaho’s history (at least at the time). Even long after he sold (due to WWII), he continue to write – Red Cross, United Way, Kiwanis, and pretty much any organization he was involved in benefitted from his gift for writing. He was the editor of the Cal-Nev-Ha newspaper for Kiwanis for over 20 years. Even into his 80s, Dad worked on his Personal History – and a novel he’d always wanted to write, that he passed along to me to finish. And it’s literally in our blood, because among my uncles and cousins, there are at least a dozen of us that write – both personally and professionally. I guess it’s just what Roes do.

   And in today’s society, we are readers. We are Information Junkies. Even within Facebook, I think my newstream is filled with as many Shared Links as personally posted photos and updates. Nobody uses an encyclopedia anymore – we just Google it, and often end up on someone’s blog. Sometimes just for a random bit of information or instruction, sometimes we follow blogs of specific people we like or are interested in.

   We have become Internet Voyeurs. Without even leaving our house, we can be Peeping Toms, looking into the windows of people all over the country, all over the world. Through their blogs we sneak-a-peek through their curtains and see what it going on inside. And as someone who lives in a glass house, I have admittedly left the curtains wide open.

   Sometimes I write something that I expect to get read, like Divorce vs. Annulment – because it was something that I couldn’t find information about. Sometimes it’s something that I know is a bit of a “Hot Topic” like Women and the Priesthood  – which I want to express my opinion about. But sometimes it’s just my personal ramblings about my messy desk or playing the piano – and still they get read. And there is something about knowing that people are reading that pushes me to continue to write, to try to be funny or eloquent, to push myself as a writer more than I ever have.

   That’s really why I started blogging – because it pushes me beyond my own limits. I’ve been a rather faithful Journal Writer for many years. Many (if not most) of my journal entries never get finished – but I just stop when I run out of time. But with blogging, it has to be thought-out and complete. I write a rough draft, and I go back and edit it (usually a couple of times). I take some time to find a photo or quote (or two) that I think adds to my own words. It’s a finished and completed Writing – hopefully with a cherry on top.

   Because, in reality, it isn’t just a few hundred random words that I’m putting out there – it’s a part of me, maybe the deepest part of me. Writing is looking deep within, and finding some small piece of my soul to share with the world – and polishing it and shaping it. For most of my life, all of my writing just got shoved in a drawer or tucked on a shelf. But this blogging world has allowed me to put my heart out there. It’s scary – rather terrifying – to do, but also incredibly rewarding too.

   So I do it, every day, for a whole month now. Putting my heart on paper, and waiting – wondering what people will think. For the most part, I have no idea what people really think. These Internet Voyeurs stalk around silently, so I have no idea who they are or what they think. But I am grateful for the positive comments from friends, and for the reading by strangers too. And, because I have shared this piece of my soul with you, that somehow connects us – makes us friends. And more than the thousands of clicks on my blog, I’m grateful for the hundreds of new connections that I have out there in the world.

I will write until not a single word 

remains in my soul … 

until every story in my heart has been told … 

until my mind’s well of ideas is bone dry … 

and even then I will write on 

because writing is not just something I do 

but part of who I am.

DAY 22 -- 21-DAYS TO MAKE A HABIT

I was fortunate enough to start my now-20-year Training Career at Franklin Covey. It was fabulous to work for a Training Company (especially the best in the business), because I got to attend the trainings all the time. I still use the stuff I learned in 7 Habits, Principle-Centered Leadership, etc., in both my personal and professional life.

   One of Stephen Covey’s leading principles is that it takes 21-days to MAKE or BREAK a habit. I love this principle, teach it frequently, and I use it constantly in my personal life. To change something “forever” seems too daunting most of the time to me – but for 21 days???  Heck, even I can do that.

   It’s how I approach diets or healthy-eating choices. Sure I can give up Diet Coke for 21 days. I can probably give up chocolate for 21 days. It’s an easy, one-bite-at-a-time approach to Eating that Elephant – or facing any big goal. And the best part is:  It Works!

   I’ve now done this blogging thing for 21-days straight. And I’m pretty proud of myself for that accomplishment. I sat down and read through the past 21 blog posts this morning – and I like seeing that I am 21-steps farther down the path of this 83-day Journey. I'm happy that I set a goal and accomplished it. And, to quote Kelly Olsen, “Nothing succeeds like success.” – so now I’m energized to keep going.

   

DAY 11 - SEARCHING FOR THAT MOMENT

The other day I got a quote entitled "Dignity" from Natalie Ficklin-Holliday, and it really resonated with me. But I decided to rewrite it to fit me a little bit better. It’s all about Dignity being the moment you come to certain realizations – and I decided that I really wanted to find THAT moment.

1. The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, and you can follow any intellectual or spiritual path you choose.

2. The moment you realize God has greater plans – and you need to do more with your evenings than sitting around crying at night or pinning sad Pinterest quotes.

3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others (especially the "Other Woman"), because it undermines your worth. He didn’t choose “Her” over you – he choose Sin over Righteousness.

4. The moment you live your dreams – not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do.

5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, and the only person you have to be better than is the person you were yesterday.

6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes work, timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion, and a willingness to risk it all. 

7. The moment you realize the spirits of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They still care about you and love you enough to prevent you from spending your life with someone that acts anything less than honorable.

8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about being with another person. The whole point of marriage is to have a helpmate towards achieving your life’s mission – but you can achieve your life’s mission alone too. It’s YOUR life’s mission.

9. The moment you believe that love is not about the other person. Love is within yourself and something you give freely. Sometimes you have someone special to give that love to, and other times you have lots of people to share that love with. Love is about Giving Love.

10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. That it didn’t work out isn’t your fault – and he only tried to blame you because he was so consumed with guilt for his betrayal. Marriage is a commitment between two people. When one person turns his back on the marriage, he is the one at fault. You can’t make it work when he is unwilling to try – letting go is the only option you have.

   I thought that’s what I was building up to with the 83-day plan, to get to THAT moment. That amazing moment when the stars will align, angels will sing, and I will understand why everything happened. I wanted that Perfect Lightbulb Moment.

   And that’s when I realized it’s not just ONE moment, but a string of moments. Some of these moments I’ve had. Some I’m searching for on this 83-day journey. Some of them may never come.

   But I have had moments, some great moments. And the best part of this 83-day Plan is that I stop at the end of each day to reflect on the day, and see what moments I had today. And that’s the moment I had today: the moment I learned to see the beauty of moments.

I believe everyday should have 

at least one exquisite moment.

-- Audrey Hepburn