DAY 56 - WARD FAMILY

My dear friend, Marge Hawkins and me.
October 2014

While in Oakland this week, I decided to stay with an old family friend, Marge Hawkins. Marge is 92-years-old now, and the last of a group of dear friends. When I was growing up in Oakland 4th Ward, it was truly the epitome of a Ward Family – and since my dad was the bishop, we were right in the center of things.

   There were the normal church things: church on Sunday, back then every Sunday morning and Sunday late afternoon (plus we were usually there all day, because Dad was bishop); Primary on Wednesday afternoons; Relief Society used to get together during the week, for quilting bees, etc.; Ward Parties quite regularly, often Pot Luck Dinners (at $.05 per scoop) or Bazaars selling handmade goods and such; Early Morning Seminary; Mutual; etc.

   Plus, there was Study Group and Rook Club. That was the Inner Circle, and the people that I thought were my aunts and uncles – because they were closer to me than any of my actual aunts and uncles, and I was fortunate to see them all the time. Study Group was couples, about 24 people total, that would get together on the 3rd Sunday of each month to “study the gospel”. OK, that was the official reason – but any of us kids knew that it was just another excuse to get together, eat good food, and visit. They would take turns hosting, everyone would bring a dish to share, and they would read a chapter of “The Restored Gospel” under the direction of John Nelson. (John was the narrator for the first set of the scriptures on cassette and was the perfect discussion leader.) Out of the 2+ hours spent together that evening, there was about 30-minutes of Gospel – and then everyone would head home.

   And then there was Rook Club. Again, hosted in rotation, 2nd Friday of each month, again everyone brought their best dish to share for dinner, and after dinner: Rook. Rook is a card game (kindof like Bridge), and they played it with four tables of 4 – and even had a rotation schedule for moving “up” or “down” depending on how you were playing. And you never played with your spouse as your partner – and now I realize how smart that was on the relationship-front, because these people were serious about their Rook. And along with all of the card-playing, and fabulous treats on every table, stories and laughter were in no short supply. As kids, we were allowed to serve dinner, clear plates afterward, and then banished to our bedrooms – to listen to the chatter and laughter through the walls, because with all that raucousness there was no way we were going to be getting any sleep.

   And these dear friends kept these groups going for over 20 years, maybe even 30 years. It was far more than just 2-days each month. The women talked to each other on the phone frequently. The men did business together and referred business to each other regularly. They watched out for each other, cared for each other, loved each other. And because I came along so much later in my parents’ lives (most of these couples have grandkids my age), I got to be a little more involved. I was allowed to attend Study Group sometimes, so my parents didn’t have to leave me home alone on a Sunday. I even got to play Rook sometimes, to fill in for a missing spouse.

   I now realize that one of the things that truly made a difference is that they made time for each other. These events were always held on the same days every month, and people just didn’t allow anything else to be scheduled on those days. Sometimes someone couldn’t make it, and there were a few Backup Couples for Club (because you always had to have 16 people). But they would plan Family Vacations around it. Reschedule dinners with other friends. Because of all the friends in this world, this group was as much family as friends.

   They served in Bishoprics, Ward Callings, and Stake Callings together. Their kids all grew up together – and even a generation (or two) later, there is still the remnants of those amazing relationships where kids try to make it to weddings, mission farewells, etc.  I attended the funerals of most of this group. Marge is the very last of the group still alive. The funerals for her husband and my father were on the same day – a seeming coincidence, but we both feel that maybe there is also meaning that friends that served together and were so close for so many years decided to also move into the next life together too.

   I live in a great ward now, with friends and neighbors that I love and that love me – and that is something that I am incredibly grateful for. But the Old Oakland 4th Ward was unlike anything that existed before or since. It was the ultimate example of what Ward Family really means. Because more than just attending church together on Sundays, the essence of the gospel is about Love – and that means showing and sharing love with those around you. I am grateful for the amazing example that dear friends like Marge Hawkins have been to me since the very day I was born. And I hope that as I continue to be a member of this church and a member of my current ward that I can try to follow the example of caring and sharing love that I have been blessed to receive.