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| My dear friend, Marge Hawkins and me. October 2014 |
While in
Oakland this week, I decided to stay with an old family friend, Marge Hawkins.
Marge is 92-years-old now, and the last of a group of dear friends. When I was
growing up in Oakland 4th Ward, it was truly the epitome of a Ward Family – and
since my dad was the bishop, we were right in the center of things.
There
were the normal church things: church on Sunday, back then every Sunday morning
and Sunday late afternoon (plus we were usually there all day, because Dad was
bishop); Primary on Wednesday afternoons; Relief Society used to get together during the
week, for quilting bees, etc.; Ward Parties quite regularly, often Pot Luck
Dinners (at $.05 per scoop) or Bazaars selling handmade goods and such; Early
Morning Seminary; Mutual; etc.
Plus,
there was Study Group and Rook Club. That was the Inner Circle, and the people
that I thought were my aunts and uncles – because they were closer to me than
any of my actual aunts and uncles, and I was fortunate to see them all the
time. Study Group was couples, about 24 people total, that would get together
on the 3rd Sunday of each month to “study the gospel”. OK, that was the
official reason – but any of us kids knew that it was just another excuse to
get together, eat good food, and visit. They would take turns hosting, everyone
would bring a dish to share, and they would read a chapter of “The Restored
Gospel” under the direction of John Nelson. (John was the narrator for the
first set of the scriptures on cassette and was the perfect discussion leader.)
Out of the 2+ hours spent together that evening, there was about 30-minutes of
Gospel – and then everyone would head home.
And then
there was Rook Club. Again, hosted in rotation, 2nd Friday of each month, again
everyone brought their best dish to share for dinner, and after dinner: Rook.
Rook is a card game (kindof like Bridge), and they played it with four tables
of 4 – and even had a rotation schedule for moving “up” or “down” depending on
how you were playing. And you never played with your spouse as your partner –
and now I realize how smart that was on the relationship-front, because these
people were serious about their Rook. And along with all of the card-playing,
and fabulous treats on every table, stories and laughter were in no short
supply. As kids, we were allowed to serve dinner, clear plates afterward, and
then banished to our bedrooms – to listen to the chatter and laughter through
the walls, because with all that raucousness there was no way we were going to
be getting any sleep.
And these
dear friends kept these groups going for over 20 years, maybe even 30 years. It
was far more than just 2-days each month. The women talked to each other on the
phone frequently. The men did business together and referred business to each
other regularly. They watched out for each other, cared for each other, loved
each other. And because I came along so much later in my parents’ lives (most
of these couples have grandkids my age), I got to be a little more involved. I
was allowed to attend Study Group sometimes, so my parents didn’t have to leave
me home alone on a Sunday. I even got to play Rook sometimes, to fill in for a
missing spouse.
I now
realize that one of the things that truly made a difference is that they made
time for each other. These events were always held on the same days every
month, and people just didn’t allow anything else to be scheduled on those
days. Sometimes someone couldn’t make it, and there were a few Backup Couples
for Club (because you always had to have 16 people). But they would plan Family
Vacations around it. Reschedule dinners with other friends. Because of all the friends in this world, this group was as much family as friends.
They
served in Bishoprics, Ward Callings, and Stake Callings together. Their kids
all grew up together – and even a generation (or two) later, there is still the
remnants of those amazing relationships where kids try to make it to weddings,
mission farewells, etc. I attended the
funerals of most of this group. Marge is the very last of the group still
alive. The funerals for her husband and my father were on the same day – a
seeming coincidence, but we both feel that maybe there is also meaning that friends
that served together and were so close for so many years decided to also move
into the next life together too.
I live in
a great ward now, with friends and neighbors that I love and that love me – and
that is something that I am incredibly grateful for. But the Old Oakland 4th
Ward was unlike anything that existed before or since. It was the ultimate
example of what Ward Family really means. Because more than just attending
church together on Sundays, the essence of the gospel is about Love – and that
means showing and sharing love with those around you. I am grateful for the
amazing example that dear friends like Marge Hawkins have been to me since the
very day I was born. And I hope that as I continue to be a member of this
church and a member of my current ward that I can try to follow the example of
caring and sharing love that I have been blessed to receive.
