DAY 7 - FAST SUNDAYS AREN'T SLOW ENOUGH

I love Fast Sundays. I even usually cook something special for dinner (and I very rarely cook). Late Saturday I run to the store, typically running into a few neighbors also grabbing a few last-minute Saturday night groceries. As I put the food away at home, I also put away the bananas and other foods that are too easy to grab without thinking the next morning.

   And I almost always choose a purpose for my Fast – a friend or loved-one who is struggling or suffering; an answer to a question within myself; a communal purpose (like a Ward Fast). And most often, there is more than one focus – because there is an awful lot of sorrow going on in this world.

   There is a tender and caring bond created when you Fast for someone. Fasting is a truly selfless act – a pouring-out of your heart to the Lord for the succor of another of God’s children. No praise, no recompense – just love. It draws you closer in concern and compassion toward them from the simple act of Fasting and Praying on their behalf.

   Admittedly, lately much of my fasting has included things weighing on my own mind and heart – in a search for peace and for answers. A few months ago I was so tormented with heartache, betrayal, and loss that I couldn’t even find words to pray. As I knelt at my bedside each night, words refused to come – so I just knelt there and cried. I figure God knows my heart and could feel the pain that I still do not know words to effectively describe.

   And I fasted. I fasted a lot, sometimes for days at a time. Even weeks later I fasted every single Sunday, because I was still so struggling for understanding. The questions “Why me?” and “Why this?” echoed over and over in my mind – all day long, and all night too. Eventually I gave up the search for understanding – because I’m not sure I will ever understand, at least in this life – and I decided to just pray for Peace. All I wanted was for the heartache to go away and to be filled with a sense of Peace.

   Fasting & Prayer. I’ve been taught about it all my life, but it is at times of greatest challenge that the true power of turning your troubles over to God is truly learned. And while praying daily has tremendous power, the combination of Fasting and Prayer has significant Spiritual Power to help overcome the greatest challenges in our lives. There is a Humbling Before God that takes place with Fasting that gives our Prayers power beyond measure. 

   And on Sundays, especially Fast Sundays – is when I make the time to slow down. It is impossible to hear God’s Voice if the sounds of the world are constantly in your ears. So I leave the tv and radio turned off. And I sit. I write. I play the piano. I go for a walk in the beautiful nature that God has created for us. And I allow myself time to be alone with my thoughts and alone with my Savior. And as I do, thoughts enter my mind and a Confirming Peace enters my heart – and little by little I have learned some of the answers. And it is in the Slowing Down to Listen that God answers my prayers.

   I don’t know that I have achieved “filled with” Peace, but I have definitely begun to gain small pieces of Peace within. At least enough Peace to be able to start to let go of the past and start to look forward again.

We would do well to slow down a little, 

focus on the significant, 

and truly see the things that matter most. 

-- Dieter F. Uchtdorf

DAY 6 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIKE!

Michael Evans Roe in 1950

On September 6, 1946, my mom gave birth to their first child: Michael Evans Roe. Having been childless for 10 years, they were thrilled to finally have the family they’d always wanted. They lived in a tiny rented 1-bedroom house, and converted the closet under the stairs into a bedroom for Mike. There was a washtub they used for washing clothes, dishes, and the baby. This washtub saw a lot of use.

Mike loved playing Cowboy

   One day, when he was only 4-years-old, Mike was outside playing Cowboys with a few of the neighbor kids – when he was hit by a drunk driver – right in front of this house. According to the newspaper article, he was hit so hard that it knocked the cowboy boots right off his feet. By the time my dad got to the hospital, it was too late. He found Mom sitting in the hospital waiting room, clutching Mike’s teddy bear. She was devastated – and she never got over it. Never.

   Dad’s cousin Lewis drove up to Oakland to scoop up Mom and Dad and take care of them. Lew was smart enough to know that going home to that empty house should wait for a few days. Lew’s wife Alice fixed them the only thing Mom would eat, Warm Milk and Bread. My Uncle DeVoe paid for the headstone. Everyone stepped up and helped Mom & Dad through the worst time of their life. Everyone except the driver. The drunk driver was never charged (it was 1950), never apologized, and never paid a dime of the hospital or burial costs.

Mom & Mike - his 1st birthday

   Mike would have been age 19 when I was born, and Mom still couldn’t talk about him – or even say his name without crying. And 35 years later, when she died, that still held true. She was heartbroken for the 50 years from when Mike died until she passed away at age 83 – she literally never got over it. I remember once when I was about 5 or 6, Mom was crying in her bedroom – so Dad gently scooted me out to the dining room. As he emptied his pockets he told me that sometimes Mom got sad, and we just needed to be quiet and let her rest. Over the years that happened fairly regularly. I now understand why.

    When I was age 15 my now-married sister, Fran, came to Oakland to visit. For a Genealogy class she’d taken at BYU, she had ordered Mike’s Death Certificate – and on it was listed the cemetery where he was buried. Neither of us had ever been there. We snuck away and drove to the cemetery, looked in the designated location, but couldn’t find his grave. It was a small section in an enormous cemetery – a section specifically designated for infants and children. We looked at the dates from the 1940s and 1950s, laid out chronologically – and the ages, from infants that died at birth to children that died at only 8-years-old. It was a small section of the cemetery, but it was certainly filled with sadness. We found the place we thought should be Mike’s grave, but it was just a bare spot of grass – with no headstone to mark his resting place. We continued to search the area, but we were sure this was the spot – but we were also sure that something was wrong. Unfortunately it was late in the day, and the cemetery was closing – so we had to leave, with all of these questions unanswered. And because we knew it would upset our parents, Fran and I decided to just have it be our secret.

   Six months later when I got my Driver’s License, I went back to the cemetery – this time all alone. I went to the office, again looked, again returned to that bare patch of grass. So I returned to the Cemetery Office and explained the situation. A very nice woman pulled out a file, confirmed that a headstone had been purchased, and send a Groundskeeper out with me to see if a little grass had grown over the marker. He walked to that same spot of grass where I thought Mike was buried, and tapped the ground with his shovel. Nothing. More tapping, a bit deeper – still nothing. Then he stepped on the shovelhead, all the way into the ground before the “klink” of the metal shovel hitting the granite headstone. The full shovel head – about 12-inches-long. It had been 30 years since Mike died, and his loss had been so painful that my parents hadn’t been back to the cemetery in 30 years. 30 years of grass had grown over the unvisited headstone.

Mike at Lake Merritt 1949

   Mike died 64 years ago, and would have turned 68-years-old today – but he is forever frozen in time as a 4-year-old.  Almost everyone that knew him is gone now. My sister and I never got to meet him, and know very few stories about him. But for 4 years he was the center of the universe for my parents. For 50 years his loss was my mother’s deepest heartache. And forever he will be our big brother.

   And that’s the beauty of understanding the gospel and having a testimony. You get to be sealed as a family, so the amount of time that you get to spend together on this earth is only part of the picture. The loss of a child is the most heartwrenching experience any parent can go through, but knowing you will be together for eternity can buoy you through the difficult times. After my mom passed away, Dad told me of a dream he had:  Mom and Mike were walking down the big hill at the cemetery, hand in hand – together. And I know that my dad believed it, and it comforted him to know that they were finally together again.

Dad and Mike

  And that’s why Mormons build temples and do genealogy – because Family is what this life is all about. It is the reason we come to this earth, and it is the reason that we love – because we are building those bonds here that will continue long after this life ends. When you know about eternity, you want eternity. And because we have a loving Heavenly Father, we can have eternity.

DAY 4 - COMIC CON IS EXTRAORDINARY

I have never been to Comic Con before – until today. I’ve always been curious, so this year I decided that I’d go ahead and see what all the fuss was about. And having friends in High Places helps out – because Jake Parker has a booth there, and had a Guest Pass he let me have.  [If you go to Comic Con, stop by and see Jake – he’s a very talented artist!]

First of all THE PEOPLE!  WOW!!!  There are not only TONS of them, apparently they are all Crazy. Seriously, if you ever want to feel “Normal” just spend an afternoon at Comic Con. The line was 4-city-blocks long to get in (and it’s only Thursday afternoon) – so I pulled strings and sneaked in the back!  And the costumes that people chose to wear – well, let’s just say it reminded me of growing up near Berkeley California.

Just as I arrived, Jake was being interviewed for a Documentary. He and his family did a fabulous cross-country road-trip this summer, and Jake did an Art Drop as part of it – which they are including in the documentary. This Art Drop is an incredible project, engaging and selfless, and scattered art and joy all across this great country of ours. And it was especially awesome to see a dear friend get recognized for doing something spectacular.

The other fabulous part of Comic Con was the lecture by Kevin Sorbo. He did the Hercules and Andromeda series on television a number of years ago. He shared stories about his career in acting, starting out as a male model, early guest appearances, etc. And then he shared his experience of suffering 3 strokes and how that changed his life and his career. He was poignant, funny, and real. And among the crowd of Star Trek, Zombies, Gladiators, and Geeks – it was refreshing to hear from a Superhero that understands what is truly important in life.

I went to Comic Con expecting to see a bunch of Fantasy and Fiction, but I learned two great lessons: Jake Parker taught me that someone ordinary having an ordinary family vacation can still do something extraordinary. And Kevin Sorbo taught me that even extraordinary people facing extraordinary circumstances cherish the same ordinary things that the rest of us do.

I'm looking for the 

EXTRA

in the

ORDINARY.

107 PURPLE BABY HATS

A while back I heard about November being Shaken Baby Month, and specifically about a hospital that sent every November Baby home in a Purple Baby Hat – to remind parents to NOT shake their babies.

This really touched my heart – and I decided that I wanted to become involved in this cause. So I set a goal to make 100 Purple Baby Hats to donate to the local hospital. A few days ago I finished up the last of them. It was a great feeling! I had a big basket full of hats, so I dumped them out, snapped a quick photo, and counted – just to make sure that I had 100. I counted 107 Purple Baby Hats.

Yesterday I called Trudy, the Charge Nurse in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at UVRMC in Provo, and we had a great hat chat. Apparently this hospital hasn’t done purple hats in November before, but she was thrilled to know that I already had them done – and said that if I brought them by that they would definitely use them. So this afternoon I stopped by Utah Valley Regional Medical Center and dropped the hats off in the Hospital Nursery.

It’s a great sense of accomplishment to achieve a goal, and even more rewarding when it’s something that is for such a good cause. I’ve never had any children of my own, but I know that there will be 107 babies running around Utah County in something that I made for them. And hopefully it acts as the intended reminder to protect our Little Ones by not shaking them.

These aren’t my first baby hats either. To date, I’ve made over 2000 baby hats. Simple little crocheted baby hats – and I’ve given them all away. Friends, neighbors, strangers – pretty much anyone I knew with a baby got a hat. And I'm happy to give them to anyone who wants them. A few years ago I even received a phone call from the retired Director of Humanitarian Services for the LDS Church who asked if I had any hats that he and his wife could take to Honduras – the next week! I rushed 150 hats to them, and they sent me these cute pics of the kids wearing the hats. And these adorable kids are definitely inspiration to keep making more and more hats.

This all started because of my mom. Making baby hats is something I inherited from her. For as long as I can remember, Mom used a handmade wooden loom to make baby hats as gifts. Her hats were beautiful and perfect. Unfortunately, despite many attempts, I just can’t use her loom correctly. When Mom passed away, we found a dishwasher-box-size Yarn Stash – which my sister insisted that I take home: “You’re the only one Mom taught to crochet.” So I brought home all the yarn, tried and failed with the loom, and felt guilty every time I walked by that huge box of yarn. Eventually I figured out that I could crochet baby hats, so I decided that I would crochet while watching movies. (It helps me feel less guilty about just sitting there, and it keeps that part of my mom's legacy moving forward.) Apparently I’ve watched a lot of movies over the years, because I’ve certainly made a lot of baby hats over the past 10 years.

And these definitely won’t be my last baby hats. It feels good to do something for someone else – even if you’ll never know that someone, and they’ll never thank you. Maybe that’s why I like baby hats so much – it’s simply giving with no expectation of anything in return. Because true charity is its own reward. Besides, I like watching movies – and it’s even better to watch them guilt-free. I'm pretty sure my mom would be proud that I used up all her yarn for a good cause.

Oh, and yes – I did stop at Redbox on my way home tonight too!

As we lose ourselves in the service of others, 

we discover our own lives and our own happiness. 

-- Dieter F. Uchtdorf

LIFE CAN MAKE US BETTER OR BITTER

This morning started with me waking up at 3:30am, after only 2½-hours of sleep. So I decided to get up to start my day. A quick shower, checking that my luggage had everything, a quick minute with the puppies, and out the door to the airport at 5am. Only 10-minutes from home I get a text – and since few of my friends are functional at that ridiculous hour, I glanced down to see who it was from. Uh oh – a text from United Airlines. Pulling over I read that my flight is delayed 2 hours, meaning I will miss my connecting in Denver. CRAP!

   Not sure what to do, I get back on the road to the airport.

I bought my ticket through Priceline (since going to the Nauvoo Pageant is just a fun personal trip), but I ask "Siri" to call United – and few minrtutes later I am talking to Agent Tom and explaining my situation. He can get me to Kansas City by 7pm – but I would miss the Pageant tonight, so I ask what other options he can find. (Being uber nice always helps!) After a few minutes of research, he sees that he can get me on a direct Delta flight – and I arrive only 10 minutes later than planned. WHEW! (Besides, I usually fly Delta and prefer it.)

  Well, I’m now at the airport 3 hours early, so I slow down and enjoy the morning. As I park, the sun is coming up over the mountains to the east – so I sit in my car and enjoy the sunrise. I walk to the Delta counter to check-in because there’s something wrong with my iPhone App – and they put me on the Upgrade List for an aisle seat. Oh, and they check my bag for free (so why not, and not have to drag it through the airport). And I see a Noni Friend checking in as I walk to Security – then at Security I run into 4 other Noni Friends. Ironically, we are all flying out of the same gate – they’re just an hour ahead of me. So we have an hour to grab breakfast together and sit and visit. FUN!

   Then as I get up to buy Bottled Water I notice that my name says UP on the screen, so I talk to the Gate Agent to see if I got the requested Aisle – and she said that I’d been upgraded to First Class.  SCORE!

   So, my morning that started crappy with no sleep and a flight delay turned into: a sunrise, breakfast with friends, a better flight, and first class. (Plus later that afternoon I dodge another speeding ticket!)

   Traveling so frequently I get to see all sorts of people. And I can always tell the families on their way to Disneyland. Then there area those grumpy people who cut you off in line or complain loudly and angrily to some poor employee about some minor inconvenience.

   Yes, there are all sorts of people, with all sorts of Attitudes – and Attitude is the difference. We all have challenges in our lives, and how we decide face them is a choice. When life happens TO us, as it sometimes does, we can choose to let it make us better or make us bitter.

   I could curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head, say “Poor Me” – and no one would blame me one bit. But instead I choose to get out and live the most amazing life I can live. I spend time with the fabulous friends I have been blessed with. I find fun places to go and fun thing to do – and I go DO them.

   And sometimes, along the course of life, we draw blessings into our lives – like for me this morning. Call it “Law of Attraction” or “Blessings from Heaven” – call it whatever you want. I believe our Attitude drives our Choices, and our Choices determine our Destiny. So far I've done pretty good keeping a positive Attitude, and in return I have been blessed with an abundance of experiences, good and bad – and I choose to have those experiences that make me better, and not bitter.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, MOM & DAD!

Today would have been 78 years.

Lela & Dale Roe

My parents grew up together. Went to Elementary School together. Skipped 7^th Grade together. Graduated from Preston High in 1933, together. And on July 7, 1936, they asked my mom’s step-father to drive them to Logan, they went to the temple together and were Sealed for Time and Eternity, and then went home. No fancy clothes, no reception, no one with them – and not even one photograph from that day. It was the middle of the Depression – they wanted to get married, so they got married. It was that simple.

   They were married 63-years when my mother passed away, and Dad missed her every-single-day until he joined her 5 years later. He literally couldn’t remember his life without her in it. And I never had any doubt that my dad absolutely LOVED & ADORED my mom. I knew it, she knew it, and everyone that knew them knew it.

   Not that life was easy for them. They got married during the Depression, and then WWII came along. They were married 10 years before they were able to have any children, and when my brother Michael was 4-years-old he was hit by a drunk driver right in front of their house – leaving them again childless. About a year later my sister Fran came along, and when she was 13-years-old they decided to adopt me. They had lots of ups-and-downs – like everyone does, but they came from an era where people understood what marriage really means and they always worked things out because that was the only option they could even imagine.

   I am grateful for amazing parents that loved each other and loved me. I am grateful for an amazing example of what Love and Dedication can really be. It can still be like that. Anyone can have that. My parents had that because they wanted it – and they worked at it, every single day. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

   Yes, I did it again – my Big Birthday Bash. This year, about 250 people – it was AMAZING! Great friends, family, food, fun. And I did it because it’s what I do: I Celebrate. I look for opportunities to celebrate life. And despite ups-and-downs, I definitely have a life to be celebrated!

   “Another year older and another year wiser” – I’d say that is definitely true this year. Twice each year I get very introspective: New Years and my Birthday – and fortunately they’re about 6 months apart. I have been thinking back to New Years – because that’s when this last “episode” all began – and I never could have imagined all that happened, and especially not the tragic, heartwrenching ending. I am still deeply wounded and reeling from the heartache, but I am also determined to remember the good times and learn the lessons that are there – and there are plenty of lessons, and I am learning them and sharing them.

   And now it’s time to look forward again too, and make new plans for the new future ahead of me. I am still blessed with amazing friends, whose love and support has been amazing. I am still blessed with an amazing job – which continues to get better and better (and which pays freakishly well). I am still blessed with an amazing family that I cannot imagine my life without. And I am still blessed with the most tremendous ward and ward family.

   So, these past few days I’ve been asked: “What do you want for your birthday?” After thinking about it, here’s my Birthday Wish List:

• Peace – I have knowledge of my Savior’s love for me, and peace in knowing I am blameless before Him.
• Love – If not the love of a husband, then the amazing love of family and friends that surrounds me constantly. 
  
• Hope – Hope for a different but amazing future, filled with success and prosperity, joy and happiness, and knowledge that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to.
• Happiness – Despite still having many tear-filled nights, I am also blessed with an abundance of happiness. Happiness in the gospel. Happiness in a life filled with love. Happiness to not let the Sins of others destroy me and to always turn toward the Light.
• Forgiveness – I forgive – not because it was asked for (and probably never will be), but because I refuse to let hurt and anger consume me. I forgive because I deserve a heart that is healed. 

   So I am choosing to live a fabulous life filled with tremendous opportunities—and lots of fun. I have a number of trips coming up. I am embarking on a new “hobby” with SendOutCards, and having a blast with it. My Training Career is doing amazingly well, and new opportunities are appearing in my life constantly.

   It has been a Happy Birthday. It has been a Happy Life. Certainly there are ups-and-downs, but I choose to live a happy life – and I have so many amazing blessings in my life now that the future can only be even better tomorrow than today. And for all of you that bring that amazing gift of Happy-ness into my life, I thank you.

MY GIFT TO YOU:  As I have been so blessed this birthday, I want to give a gift to all of you!

Go to: www.SendOutCards.com/157713 -- then scroll to the bottom and select SEND A CARD. You can send a FREE card to anyone -- and the postage is included!