I have never been a mother, and my own mother passed away almost 20 years ago. But this year I have a whole new reason to celebrate Mother’s Day — because I have been able to find and meet my Birth Mother, and it’s been an incredibly blessed experience.
I’ve always known I was adopted, but I never really knew many of the details about my birth. I’d always assumed it was a young woman that was in a difficult situation — which turned out to be an amazing blessing for my parents, who very much wanted to adopt.
When I was age 30, my Dad told me that they had met her — my Birth Mother. This was the first time I’d ever heard that — and that she had a few kids too. He didn’t remember too many details (and I was to stunned to dig deeper) — but it created an imagine in my mind that has stayed with me.
My sister, Fran, was 13 when I was born — so she was very involved, including getting to pick my middle name (which I love!) She even adopted 3 children, 3 siblings (although I’m pretty sure that was way more work that I had been as a newborn). And since she remembers so much about my birth (and she is my biggest supporter) — a little while back she bought me an Ancestry DNA kit.
I wanted to do it, and even thought I was ready. But there are a million emotions that happen when you start down that path — and I felt all of them, especially fear. What if she wasn’t looking for me? What if she didn’t want me to find her? What if finding her would cause her some distress? What if I couldn’t find her at all?
So that DNA kit sat in my living room for 5 months — a simple box that truly intimidated me. But finally (after a few miracles), I spit in the little cup and dropped it into the mail. Then I waited, and waited.
After 6 weeks I got an email that my results were in. I was excited and terrified. I opened the link, hoping to have all of my parents, grandparents, siblings, etc. — all perfectly listed there. But no — only a few “matches,”and none that seemed particularly promising.
But I had started down this path, so now I was determined to continue. There were just too many questions that I really wanted answers to — that I needed answered. So I pushed forward. And along the way, there were times that it was truly Emotionally Overwhelming — times I had to just stop for a few days to let my heart catch up. But I persevered.
After just a few short weeks, there was a name. And after a few more miracles, I found her — and a few miracles more, and I even had a way to contact her.
I’ve written a million emails in my lifetime, but never one more overwhelmingly intense than that one. I didn’t exactly ask, “Are You My Mother?” — but I did provide enough info that if I was right, she’d know that I knew. Standing at that door, not knowing what was on the other side — it just takes so much courage to knock. The chance for rejection and hurt is very real — but the longing to know, the longing for answers, is too overpowering to not see this through. It took 6-hours to write a 2-paragraph email, and even then I needed significant encouragement to click <SEND> (thank you, Fran). But finally I got up the nerve. And then I waited.
This time I didn’t have to wait very long, and less that 24-hours later I had a reply. An AMAZING reply. A heartfelt, full-of-love, “I’ve been looking for you too” reply. And I cried and cried.
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| My Birth Mother, Beverly Jacobs |
That started a string of emails back and forth, that led to long 4-hour phone calls (every week, for months), and eventually, “Should we meet?” So last fall I hopped in my little car and drove to Southern California to meet her.
I wasn’t sure what to expect. And even though we’d called quite a bit, I was still nervous. Sooooo nervous. I drove myself crazy on the drive down there. But suddenly (12-hours later), I was in her driveway and walking up to the door.
Then I saw her. For the first time. In.Real.Life. I’d wondered about this moment for my entire life. What if I wasn’t enough this or enough that? What if…? What if…?
Admitted it was a bit awkward at first — to meet someone that you don’t know yet somehow also know completely. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. For about 90-seconds. Then all the fear melted away, and we were instantly connected.
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| My Mother that Raised Me, Lela Roe |
And it’s been amazing. Truly amazing. And so full of miracles.
I feel so incredibly blessed. Blessed that I have a new family. A new Mom — plus a brother and 3 new sisters. And they’re all so fabulous. And I see little bits of myself in each of them.
My Mom that raised me was always afraid that I would go looking for my Birth Mother, and that she’d steal-me-away or something. But quite the opposite actually happened. All of this has led me to an even greater appreciation of my parents that raised me.
I have truly been Twice Blessed. First by being raised by parents that loved and sacrificed for me my entire life. And now for being blessed to reconnect with this amazing woman that gave me life, and then had the courage to let me go — and now has the courage to let me into her life, after I had been a life-long secret.
Not everyone gets to have a loving mother in this life — and I get to have two. And although they are incredibly different, still both love me completely — as only a mother can.
So on this Mother’s Day, I am grateful for both of these amazing women who are both so much of who I am. The one I look like that has opened her heart and her life to me, 50 years later. And the one that was there through all my crazy antics. Maybe God knew that I was going to be such a handful that I would need Two Mothers. And I know that I wouldn’t be the woman that I am without both of them. I’m so grateful for all the sacrifices they have both made for me. And I’m grateful that I get to call both of them Mom.
